Archive for 2012
Monday, December 24, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, December 23, 2012 Comments Off
The day of the wedding, after the exchange of vows and at the reception, she gave him her bouquet, saying, "Good luck with your marriage."
- Colonel Brandon from Sense and SensibilityYou probably have heard of him before. He's one of Jane Austen's perfect specimens. He is like one of those familiar characters that you meet once in a while; he loves to read, has a passion for music and he sacrifices himself for someone he loves. His heart got broken once, because of the love of his life went with someone else and produced a love child, then he got to be the one that raised the child. He has the softest heart. He matures gracefully. In other words, he is perfect.
- Beast from Beauty and The Beast
- Logan Echolls from Veronica Mars.This guy has the best bad boy attitude I've seen so far. The broken misunderstood rich boy that looks like he has every right to be naughty, considering he has a broken home; a father that has a criminal record, a mother that jumped off a bridge and an adopted sister. He loved Veronica's best friend so much, that he didn't dare to move on until he was sure with himself. Let's not forget how many uncountable times he had save Veronica from troubles. The tough guy with squishy and soft interior is really charming. And you can't ignore his yellow jeep and cheeky comebacks. Oh and there is an episode where he watches Sense and Sensibility with Veronica, isn't that just cute?
- Ninth Doctor from Doctor WhoWell, by now, I think you can predict my type: the misunderstood guys who turn out to be nice. Ninth Doctor is one of them. In his reincarnation, he only understood destruction before he met Rose, now that he has met her (assuming we are talking about the AU starts from Father's Day where the original The Doctor and Rose fades behind the wall of bricks in the background and they are off to some adventures in another planet), he turns into this guy that will sacrifice everything for her (remember "I could save the world, but lose you" and that sweet episode in the dungeon in Cardiff?)-- that's a nice gesture coming from a 900 years old alien that has destructed his own race to save the whole universe. He does not walk, he stalks, like a panther to a prey.
- Nick from Nick and Norah's Infinite PlaylistNick is one of those people that you sometimes sympathizes with because he has an unrequited infatuation that leads to a hell of a night with a girl that is his musical soulmate. Don't we all need him with his yellow car and goofy attitude, and reassuring smiles and awkward hugs. His love for music and his passion for other people (especially his adventurous bandmates) make me melt and want to give him warm cookies. He is the kind of person that you want to settle down and have kids with, the kind of person that will make you feel happy everyday with sincere "I love you"s and warm cuddles.
- Warren from Sky HighOne of the, literally, hottest characters that the world has ever invented. He has the tall, dark, mysterious guy thing going on. And he reads during lunch. And he also works to earn his own money. He drives badass motorcycle. But he treats women nicely. He is one of the characters that make you want to patiently fix him with love and hope that one day he will fall in love with you. I can only wish that his smile belongs to me and I belong to his arms.
- Peter from Forgetting Sarah MarshallThe cutest depressed guy ever. His obsession with his ex makes you want to turn him to love you too, makes you want to kiss away his pain by letting him into your life and buying him endless tubes of ice cream. He was willing to sacrifice everything for her, but she left him and went with a rockstar that was not as loyal as Peter, and the three of them meet in a place where Peter is supposed to enjoy and get over her. You also hope that you are the one he's obsessed with, not her.
- Matt from 13 Going On 30The good best friend type. The type of guy that will perpetually be the same no matter what you do, his childish quirks will continue to stay there even when he's old. The kind of guy that you will always trust and lean on. The kind of guy that some lucky girls never dreamed to marry but they married those guys eventually. His likable personality and humbleness really attract me the most; he will stay with you through everything, especially the rise and falls. I want to marry him.
- Michael from Sundays At Tiffany'sMeet Michael, he's an imaginary friend that turns into this real grown-up guy. His down-to-earth and naivete really draw me to him. And the fact that he turns himself into a real human being also makes me want to marry him instantly. He really cares about Jane a lot and he sacrifices a lot, too. Plus, he's a great cook and he has lots of talents.
Friday, December 21, 2012 Comments Off
Thursday, December 20, 2012 Comments Off
Wednesday, December 19, 2012 Comments Off
Tuesday, December 18, 2012 Comments Off
Monday, December 17, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, December 16, 2012 Comments Off
Saturday, December 15, 2012 Comments Off
Friday, December 14, 2012 Comments Off
She sighed and looked at herself again in the mirror. The transformation was necessary. The lips, hair, eyelids, checks, skin and even eyelashes were altered slightly to accomodate her plan. This was what she needed and what she wanted. A transformation of herself to become someone else, in order to be loved by him. Shallow, she knew. But she only got two months to live, why would not she become someone else, at least she could feel like she was loved by the only person that she loved.
Wednesday, December 12, 2012 Comments Off
Tuesday, December 11, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, December 9, 2012 Comments Off
Saturday, December 8, 2012 Comments Off
Friday, December 7, 2012 Comments Off
But you know what?
The knowledge of it all calmed me more than it should have. And I was grateful for it.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012 Comments Off
Monday, December 3, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, December 2, 2012 Comments Off
Friday, November 30, 2012 Comments Off
Thursday, November 29, 2012 Comments Off
Wednesday, November 28, 2012 Comments Off
Tuesday, November 27, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, November 25, 2012 Comments Off
beginning. accusation. restless. snowflake. haze. flame. formal. companion. move. silver. prepared. knowledge. denial. wind. order. thanks. look. summer. transformation. tremble. sunset. mad. thousand. outside. winter. diamond. letters. promise. simple. future.I'm going to start the challenge tonight with the word //beginning//.
Thursday, November 22, 2012 Comments Off
Monday, November 19, 2012 Comments Off
Saturday, November 10, 2012 Comments Off
- What eye color do you find sexiest?Anything piercing. Black really appeals to me currently. You know as they say, black encompasses all colour, it knows more than the others.
- White, milk, or dark chocolate mocha?Dark chocolate definitely. The bitter the better.
- If you could get a Sharpie tattoo on your back, what would it be?I think I would like a quote run across my shoulder. Something that reminds me that I should never forget my dreams. Something along that line.
- Did you grow up in a small or big town? Did you like it?I grew up in both, but mainly in the big town. I have the loyalty of small town people, but the bravery of big town people. I am not sure whether or not I like the life I had, but it had been very educational and it really tested my ability to survive.
- Pirates or ninjas? Why?Definitely pirates. They live a very adventurous lives that I wish I could be a part of.
- If you could have any pet in the world, illegal or not, what would you get?A wolf that I will name 'Snow', a polar bear that I will name 'Glimmer' and a shark (of any kind) that I will name 'Killer'
- What's the most delicious food you've ever eaten in your life? I don't have 'the most', but I think these food are the tastiest food ever: Nachos from Odeon, Rib-eye steak from Outback steakhouse, any Indian food in any restaurant in London, this small Chinese restaurant in Southwark, this pub-like Thai restaurant in Southwark. That is all that I can think of. Any additional thing I will add later on.
- If you had to look at one city skyline for the rest of your life, which would it be?I don't think it would be a city skyline, but I think it would be a small English town sky where you can see the mix of the globalization and the humbleness of small town folk.
- If you had to move to another country, where would you move?Sweden. I think. Because UK is overpopulated for now, but I think I would travel around, like a Gypsy.
- Do you like horror movies? How about thrillers?I have a soft spot for good horror and/or thriller movies. My favorite horror movies are Silent Hill and a Thai movie called Coming Soon, but I'd never watch them again. I don't have any favorite thriller movies, but I love movies like The Cell.
- Do you want to get married? Have kids?One of the things that I want to accomplish is to get married with someone that I will never grow out of love. And we will live together happily with two kids that have my nose, hair, lips and his eyes.
- City or nature person?I'm a city person, but I love to get lost in the nature from time to time. I tend to be more peaceful in places with perpetual rain and green scenery. And I think one day I will live somewhere in the small countryside house.
- You’re in a tattoo parlor about to get inked. What are you getting done?Probably that quote across my shoulder. Or maybe a star on my wrist, or perhaps a sun. Something delicate, but unquestionably me.
- What’s something you can see yourself going to jail for?Stalking some celebrities to the point of obsession.
- If you could be any character, from any literary work, who would you choose to be?I think I want to be Aomame from 1Q84.
- You’re given $10,000…under one condition: you cannot keep the money for yourself. Who would you give it to?My parents, brother and my other family members.
- If you had to go back in time and change one thing, what would it be?I think I want to tell my past self to stalk celebrities when I was in the land of perpetual rain where they held Olympics in the summer 2012.
- If you were an element on the Periodic Table, which would you be and why?I would be Carbon, because I can be everyone's necessity.
- If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?My third grade.
- If you could design an amusement park ride, what would it be like?It would be huge, with indoor, outdoor and water rides. You can swim with the dolphins and everyone will be happy.
- Currently wanting to see anyone?Yes. Someone that could support me take away all of my pain.
- Is the cup half full or half empty for you right now?I'm a half-empty kind of girl, but lately I'm trying to think in a more optimistic way.
- Do you believe in fate/destiny?Yes, because coincidence is just fate misnamed.
- Do you believe in aliens or life on other planets?I believe in those sort of things. Because it would be terribly lonely if we are truly alone in this infinite universe.
- If you could change one thing in the world, what would you change?Poverty.
Sunday, November 4, 2012 Comments Off
But what about humans? The individuals? The people you see everyday. The people that walk past by you when you are purchasing an ice cold orange juice when it's hot outside. Or the people that sit next to your table when you are sipping your hot chocolate. What are they purpose in this life? Or at least, in yours?
I think the melancholy of the modern world, the world that is built upon two world wars and political conspiracies, is that our own brooding of our existence and to some extent, identity. We are grown by the world that no longer has the threats of the survival of the citizens, because this world no longer recognizes the pain of being scared of what tomorrow brings.
But this world, we, as the future leaders of our own generations, are grown by the world where they ask your own true identity and contribution in this world. We even question ourselves, are we truly living or merely existing?
We seem to be more critical, but even more confused than the generations that precede us. We question almost everything, but never really search the answers. We question our own existence, but never search for ourselves. We are the lost generations. Because it seems that no one can answer any of our questions. We are just floating here, hoping the stream will take us somewhere, anywhere. The shelters we have are in the form of false Gods, temporarily assuring us that we are meant to be like that. But some people know better, some people tend to be better in that sense, some people try to be better but failed. We are doing this because we need something to identify us, to make each of us different from the other seven billion human entities in this planet. We are doing this because we are lost.
We don't want to be boxed either. We do not want to name ourselves as 'the middle children' or even 'the lost children' or perhaps, my favorite, 'the children who fills the in-between'. We want someone to remember us the reason why we exist, why we bother living in this world at all. Why we wake up every morning doing the same routine over and over again. The same, dull, boring and restless routine. And why we are doing what our precede generations are doing. School, college, work, retirement, school, college, work, retirement, school, college, work...
Some of us try to be different and succeeded. They are now being called as the idols. As the rescuers of our void-fill hearts. They are our gurus, the musicians and the singers. The writers and the actors. The designers and the hermits. The travelers and the storytellers. These are the people we run into. The people that make a simple difference. The people that can be differed from any other normal people. These people have found their own twinkles. Something inside of them that makes them different and they project them to the world. Their self-actualizations.
We love to hear the tales of the storytellers. They have been everywhere. They have finally found their homes. While the rest of us, we have this, incurable until further notice, homesickness and longing for a world and a place that we have never been, or for places that we are longing to come back to. A place that make, at least, our hearts at ease. A place where we truly belong. Our own personal niches.
But I think, there is a good thing in being lost. We can be found. Maybe not the whole self identity, but at least, by someone who cares. Someone who understands, or perhaps has lived through, the pain of being lost once. We can both be lost and found at the same time, because we are lost in the feeling of being found and understood by someone. The same other entities that have their own needs to be founded or to be cured from their voids.
Our melancholy is this void in our heart. And we cannot fill them until we know what can. But before that can be done, here is the things you can do to at least temporarily fill them: get utterly lost in cities you've never been to, make friends out of strangers in the streets, make cupcakes, make chocolate, drink hot chocolate, write something (anything) in your book, read a book (preferably those that are easy to enjoy), cry yourself to sleep, make a project with some friends, eat food you've never tasted before, draw a painting of some wild flowers, make a road trip. Find someone that accepts you completely, flaws and all, because someday, only this someone that will remember you for you and this someone will get lost with you. So, what about you, sir? Do you want to get lost with me?
Sunday, October 28, 2012 Comments Off
Saturday, October 27, 2012 Comments Off
- Books, the kinds that you can really lose yourself into, the kind that really speaks the mind of both the reader and the writer; the writer, because they create the whole world that does not really exist, and the reader, because they become the characters that they could never be in real life.
- Tea, especially TWG's Alexandria and L'Orchidée Creme Caramel. They say tea is a drink that dims the world's din. And when you sniff the first scent that ooze from the boiling blend of its exquisiteness, you can make the world go away just for a few seconds of your life. You can jump into one memory to the next, or even live a life you've never led. Their smell soothe you like warm wool black jumper after being left in front of a roaring fire. They make you feel at home.
- Sweaters. Or jackets. Something that warm me up, like a warm invisible body that will always be there for you to snuggle you and cuddle you until you feel safe and loved, even only by the miraculously tiny strands of threads that could join together and become such a warm article.
- Interesting and stimulating conversations, like the one I had yesterday night with my dear cousin. Suffice it to say, the conversation was helpful and insightful for both of us; for me because he brought some new ideas and new perspectives on how to live a life and the way we see life. Not merely the currently trending you only live once propaganda, but also how to enjoy life immensely, to fulfill that ever-mention void in our hearts, the emptiness that haunts everyone because their lack of fulfillment in their souls. Not only living as mindless creatures that are needed by the world because we fill our parts in the system, but to fulfill the need of answering questions that we can cause. A new way of thinking and living. A way that some may not accept because, for some their current mindset is not as liberal as mine, but for the others, not as conservative as mine. No matter how weird the conversations go, I immensely enjoy good conversations.
- Music. May sound cliche and overrated, but it is the simplest of truth. Music can drown me in their own worlds, worlds that are different from the ones that are created from books. Their worlds are more pronounced and indestructible. More colorful and less detailed. But their magic is as powerful as the books'. They provide worlds where we can imagine our own life if we could have lived another ones or even relive the memories that had been haunting us since we were six. Music affects us in ways that people cannot put in words. The relations between sound wave and the chemicals in our brains may not be comprehendible for my brain, but they are there, they exist physically and metaphorically. To numb the throbbing pain. To block the noise from the world. To relive certain moments that we had when we were with our loved ones. To help us memorize certain facts. To be there with us when no one else cannot. They are essentially our companions.
- Writing, to some extent, notebooks and pens (and pencils). I honestly cannot live without writing something every one day. Just some simple phrases, nothing significant. But I cannot live without doing that. They embody the days and the nights I live. They make me remember days, when I want to revisit them one day in the future. They make me forget the whole world. They make me honest with myself. They make me tell things that I do not dare to tell. They make me ponder. They make me feel alive.
Friday, October 26, 2012 Comments Off
Here is a letter that I will never be able to give to you, given the circumstances we are currently in. Because, frankly, we are strangers to each other. We never exchange a simple polite "hello" to each other, because I'm a coward I know. We have never even talked to each other for more than few lines, that moments were not even our own, because our mutual friends were there beside us. Our physical beings often collided even though never touched, but almost close enough to feel the presence of each other. And then I would move around, or you would in some cases, because I was (and still am) too afraid if I stand close enough, then I would lose it. I would tell you how you currently fill my thoughts and my dreams-- yes, literally, I dreamt of you even though we never exchange greetings.
I honestly do not know what to do with my feelings for you. This is a simple crush, I know, but I'm afraid it is beginning to become something that is even bigger, but not love, no, not now. Something that first started from a simple adoration to a giant, heart-wrenching crush. I'm afraid I'm just a girl who simply does not understand how to react with these feelings for you, I don't know whether or not I should be pursuing you or just sitting here and waiting until the feelings gradually begin to fade. Which one do you prefer?
My insecurity complicates things even further. What should have been a silly little adoration turned into what we nowadays call crush that needs a little assurance about whether or not your like me back. What cause these negative and self-harming thoughts are my historical baggages. I have too many baggages, that I hope I could tell you all about it, that need to be load off and they make me think what I am not supposed to think.
Should I describe you more? So that, when, by chance, you are reading this, you will understand that you are the person that I am talking about. Or the clues are enough, Mr. Sweater? You are oblivious to the fact that I like you, but I hope not for long, because I really want to get to know you even more. I am not asking for Romeo and Juliet kind of relationship, just a companionship from someone who knows me better than I do and who loves myself more than I love myself. Can you be that guy?
I'm questioning myself, "Where can I run to?" "Who will love me?"
Can you be that guy, Mr. Sweater?
Friday, October 19, 2012 Comments Off
Wednesday, October 17, 2012 Comments Off
And teach me how to be calmer when I drive.
You could teach me how to organize my head better, because I obviously need it.
You could hug me until I fall asleep.
or maybe until I become calmer.
You could stroke my hair and my arm, until my bad feelings gone.
You could rent (or buy) some action movies (or even horror ones) to watch together in my house.
You could show up at my doorstep and bring me some ice cream. With some chocolate bars.
You could take me out to my favorite restaurant and we could eat all of the desserts.
You could compile a mixtape that is filled with my favorite songs.
You could borrow me your ever present sweater and I will wear it like a protective cape.
You could bring me cupcakes, with my name on it. Cheesecake flavored please.
You could cuddle me, until I feel like I'm safe. But then again, I bet your arms are the best hiding place.
You could hold my hand until I feel like I belong somewhere. And never let go. Ever.
You could take away the physical pain of the void in my heart by being there. Always.
You could be a constant reminder of how happy I am.
Friday, September 28, 2012 Comments Off
Sunday, September 23, 2012 Comments Off
Saturday, August 25, 2012 Comments Off
Even though it is fleeting and short-lived, like colorful exotic butterflies flying in the sky of a humid paradise. And sometimes, it is better that way, because nobody writes a fairy tale that does not end, either with tragic or happy ending. For what its worth my fairy tale was pretty much ended in a good way. It ended where and when it should be, even though I would often wonder what could have happened if I stayed longer or if he started earlier, but, then again, I think about fate, because everything falls to their own places and if I mess with them, if I change the timeline, I wouldn't have the same memories, the magic and the moments wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't have gone to Cambridge, I wouldn't have taken a walk in the park, I wouldn't have bought my eau de toilette, I wouldn't have watched the movies; I wouldn't have been the same person as I am today, I wouldn't have been me.
Memories were made because the timings were right, because they all fell to their own respective places and corresponded rhythmically, to produce a chapter in my life that is incredibly exquisite and irreplaceable. I believe that everyone has their own special parts in your life, either they came to build you, to break you, or in rare cases, both-- and they all had their own times, maybe his time in my life is done and my time in his life is done, we don't need to carry extra baggage in ourselves if we ended up in a bad term with each other, the fairy tale ended in the right time.
Having said that, everyone is different, because they have to be somewhere on the right time to do the exact purpose that caused by their own selves. I know it is a widely acknowledge fact, but, for me, their importance are like those of food. On my seemingly endless trip, I met couple of people that I could relay on to. The first person was, B. B was like an expensive dark chocolate. Alluring, mysterious, high class. An enigma, basically. He was the kind of person that you had to fight for or trade something before you could get him. Another person was S. He was like water, you needed him everyday. He was an anchor. You ignored his presence from time to time, but, from some experiences and mistakes, you knew that he was important, that he was the key. Some others were like vegetables you didn’t like, they tasted bad, but they were good for you, because they build you up.
I've found out that I don't love you, maybe a mild obsession in addition to my lonely existence could add up into something that clouded up my mind, but, I know it is not love, because my definition of love is when you don't have to think about your own feeling, when you don't have anything in your mind and when you just let go completely and absolutely trust him to take the wheel and drive you to anywhere or even nowhere. My definition of love is not as simple as being with you all the time, but it is more like the exchange of our minds, our ideas, our thoughts, fears and dreams, hopes and nightmares and clinging to each other. I came to understand that...
Love is different for everyone. For one person, love is another form of obsession; you love someone in a way that you want to know everything that has been happening to that person, you’d feel bad, or even sad, when they do not respond you. For the other, love is a mere myth, something that never happened, something that you see everyday but never felt before. And for another person, love is as simple as missing that other person when they are not next to you; missing their hugs, kisses and missing their laughs. Therefore, we can conclude this point by saying, everyone is loved. Maybe not in the way that you wish they would, but in their own ways. Maybe you need to be loved in a way like Romeo loved Juliet, an obsessed and full of passion. But also, you need to be loved the way an old couple love each other, willingly, trustfully and still going strong for many many decades.
And I need that old couple love. I know it's still a long way to go, but I have my own share of youth. And I know,
fairy tales do exist.
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- XXVIII/XXX. Promise
- XXVII/XXX. Letters
- XXVI/XXX. Diamond
- XXV/XXX. Winter
- XXIV/XXX. Outside
- XXIII/XXX. Thousand
- XXII/XXX. Mad
- XXI/XXX. Sunset
- XX/XXX. Tremble
- XIX/XXX. Transformation
- XVIII/XXX. Summer
- XVII/XXX. Look
- XVI/XXX. Thanks
- Of Cold Days
- XV/XXX. Order
- XIV/XXX. Wind
- XIII/XXX. Denial
- XII/XXX. Knowledge
- X/XXX. Silver
- XI/XXX. Prepared
- IX/XXX. Move
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