Archive for November 2018

Types of Love

Monday, November 26, 2018 Comments Off

For a woman named Roselijn.

Do you know that there are so many types of love?

There is a type of love is the kind that chokes you, very much in the same way when your perfume is overly scented with too many alcohol mixture. It feels nice but dizzying at the same time. You don't know whether you want to run to or from it

A type of love that no one can escape from is the maternal kind. A nurturing thing that everyone experienced and received from various figures in their lives. It is the kind that nurtures you, moulds you, and guides you

There is also a burning kind of love. It engulfs you with fire and smoke, burning your eyes and your lungs. It keeps you warm by setting you aflame, making you forget how peacefulness and calmness should feel like for your whole being—how proper love should feel like for your whole being

A love that bores you should be avoided at all times. Sure, it is safe and comfortable, and you can always expect it to be true to itself. It is reliable. But it does not excite you.

The only thing that love should not be is a chore. It should not feel like a burden to you. You should not force to receive or give it to someone else

How ever many kind of love you encounter, you must not forget the love that you cultivate within yourself. Your own self-love. It should soothe you whenever you are burned, bored, full of mistakes, tangled under the web of mistakes and mishaps, and exhausted. This is the kind of love that will fluctuates throughout time and space, changing its form to accommodate your needs and your wants. This is the only kind of love that will stay; that allows you to forgive yourself overtime, that lets your make mistakes and amend them over and over again, that lets you breathe underwater and in fire, that guides you through ocean of insecurity and forest of unwanted feelings, that helps you make various type of memories, that breaks your heart and mends it. Your self love is a walking testament of strength and softness—all at the same time.

Dearest Self

Sunday, November 25, 2018 Comments Off

I am still yours,
even when my tummy is bloated, rolling with its lovable portions of fat and femininity
even when my hair is rumpled, unwashed, and unkempt
even when my face is blemished with constellations of acne
even when my lungs forgot to breathe for a moment after unexpected exhaustion
even when my brain declared war on itself over and over again
even when my lips are swollen after biting out pained noise
even when my throat are burning after drowning a shot of potent liquor
even when my ears refuse to listen to anything but depressing music
even when my eyes are tired after shedding ungodly amount of tears
even when my limbs shake with unexplainable coldness
even when my tongue stutters explaining about my destroyed unwanted past
even when my fingers try to map undisclosed location of my poor heart
even when my skin burns after being touch with so much kindness
even when my eyebags are bigger than my peachy bum
even when my mouth fails to form comprehensible sentences after being drowned by insecurity
even when my fingers tremble under the bulk of loneliness
even when my thighs chafes one another
even when my jeans are decorated with overflowing muffin top
even when my body refuses to move from the bed
even when my brain forgets how to produce serotonin
even when my heart dropped after witnessing a familiar scenario

I am still yours.
Every inch.
Every atom.
Every thought that was, that is, that will be.

I am still yours.

And no one can take away that fact from you.
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