Archive for November 2013

Fast-Track Love

Sunday, November 17, 2013 Comments Off

Perhaps the reason why us girls tend to romanticize love to the point of delusion and hallucinations is because the fact that all of the romantic-comedy these days tend to end happily. Don’t get me wrong, I endorse the happy endings with the same amount of devotion I have towards tea, but the thing is all of those love stories always give you the idea that having relationships (that includes the declarations of mutual love, mutual dislikes, adorations and admirations) can be gained briskly like those fast-track ticket you can have in those amusement parks. But the truth is, it’s not. Delusional or not, girls nowadays want those fast-track love, like those that the media has recently created in the form of two-hours movies.

Especially when those girls realize that their friends—the seemingly uninterested in love and relationships or perhaps the unattainable due to their personal choice of being picky—are using their fast-track tickets and enjoying it. Can these girls actually survive?

And what about the girls that want to take the relationship in normal pace? The girls who enjoy living it in the right way? Where can they get their share of love? Where can any single girls, with any personal preferences, get their match nowadays? Where can I find my match? And when I have found it, what should I do with it when it does not want to have anything to do with me, or when it actually decides to leave? What should I do when I decide I have enough of trying (and fighting)? What should I do when the world decides that any kind of love (be it fast track, normal pace, or even a la Carrie Bradshaw one) is not for me? Is there any way to just know what would you get in the future? Is there any way to revoke your God-given ability to have the hope of having love?

It’s a waste of time and feeling. I can’t keep on mulling over something that has not happen or something that would not even happen any time soon (or ever). It is deterring everything, especially my learning. These songs could not help me anymore as lately the reality is much stronger than those thoughts-numbing songs, I can still hear the wheels in my head turning. How can I be one of those women that do not think about anything but work? How can I be a part of people that constantly have their self-destroying thoughts at bay? How can I stop destructing myself with my own thoughts? When can I stop plaguing myself with my mind that keeps thinking about how lonely my soul is? When can I stop fighting by myself?

What am I hoping for, exactly?

Reality Check

Wednesday, November 13, 2013 Comments Off

Most of the women population always romanticise everything to the point of delusion, to the point that they dream about that constant nagging present in her mind. To the point that I dream of you four days straight. Were they the manifestations of what I've been thinking about lately, or were they just images of what had happened in the past? Any one of them could be true, but all I know is that you would never know about this.

Because you are (and always will be) away from here.
Away from home.
Away from me.

Oh, and self, looking at facebook photos won't change a thing.

L'incroyable Vérité

Monday, November 4, 2013 Comments Off

"You were supposed to heal on your own, it is the personal purpose of living and, above all else, surviving. And never forget, all the things that you have done has everything to do with what is happening to you right now."

I miss you.
I miss talking to you; I miss being with you.
I miss being me when I'm with you.

I'm sorry I was stupid not to see the possibilities of being with you. I was stupid enough not to understand that, if I had insisted upon it, there were chances of us to fall in love--that me and you were the perfect match, how weird you possibly thought of it right now. Because right now we are different people of who we used to be, and if there is a possibility that we meet, you wouldn't like me for who I am right now and vice versa. The reason is not as poetic as Murakami's books, but it saddens me more than his books. I can't have you now when I understand you could be someone that is more compatible with me than any other guys out there that I know. I can't be with you. You are not here.

Maybe we are destined to solve our lives first. To go where we are supposed to headed, instead of just staring idly at the world as it goes by. We should find the best place to stay and the best place to live. Yes, to live, not just to survive. And perhaps when we are complete, we'll find each other again. Under the falling leaves and finally living together under the same roof. Not just connected with the vast blue sky like we are right now.

And maybe, someday
we'll fall in love.
The way we supposed to,
years and years ago.

I miss you.
And I think I'm already never going to fail you.
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