Archive for 2010
Thursday, December 30, 2010 Comments Off
Saturday, December 25, 2010 Comments Off
The scar was beautiful, she thought, it was unlike any other scars she got in her body, the other scars in her body had caused her temporary sadness and pain, but this one, this one is different, it was as if the scar was an object of beauty, not an object of pain, or worse an object of violation. The scar looked like someone had smeared a red lipstick in her hand.
She ran her hand above her scar and she didn’t feel any pain at all. Perfect, she thought. This scar would be like another beauty products that are crafted to her skin, beautiful, but dangerous. She didn’t care, though, she didn’t care one bit, because her mind was utterly more damaged than that meaningless scar of hers.
When she went looking for her phone, trying to save this memory of hers, about her unknown scar, at her phone, she noticed something weird. She noticed that someone was outside her room, she thought she was all alone, beside, who’s going to be in her apartment when noone ever been there and didn’t know where she lived. She opened her door and found someone was watching the telly in the living room.
The person was tall, she knew this because his body was spread across the sofa and his feet were still hanging in the air. His hair was brown, dark brown to be exact. And his eyes were…
“Oh, morning, love!” he greeted.
“Horatio? What are you doing here?” she squealed and ran to him. The guy sat straight and opened his arms, he welcomed her in his arms. She breathed his smell sharply, the smell of home, of peace.
“What? Can’t I visit my lovely girl?” he asked while patting her head.
She pulled back but his arms were still managed to be wrapped tightly around her waist. “You can, but not this way, because you’ll look like a pervert in the morning, waking up beside a woman in her room.”
He snickered. “First, I’m not a pervert, I don’t look like one, I don’t smell like one, I don’t even breath like one. Second, eventhough people think that I am, you’re not a woman, you’re still a girl, in my eyes anyway. Third, who says I’m going to wake up in your room?”
“What are you doing here?”
“Visiting my future.”
"Huh? Aren’t you supposed to travel your arse off?”
“Not anymore. I decided to settle in.”
She pushed his body, pulled hers off and sat next to him. “You see, the way you answer me sounds like I’m an option, so I don’t see you with me together.”
His whole body went numb. “What did you say?”
“I don’t want to be just an option to you.”
“Yes, you only see me as an option. Either me or another girls that you saw when you tried to find yourself.” she got up and walked to her room.
When she was in front of her wooden door, she looked back and said, “When you leave, please be early in the morning when I’m still sleeping, because it would hurt less.”
“Wait.” he said, stopping her from touching the door.
“What?” he could tell that she was crying.
“I know this would sound completely corny and common but… I’ve found myself. I know where when I’m content with myself, where I enjoy being me.”
“When I’m with you. When I see you, when I hold you, when I know you’re around. Since I left you to what I call this nonsense bullshit about finding home, I found out that I’m not happy when you’re not around.
When I went all over the country, alone by myself and not having you to share with, I found out that there’s no point in me traveling the whole country without you, because I feel like a goddamn zombie when you’re not around. So please, can you be someone that I call home?” his voice was filled with guilt, sadness and with a hint of hope. Hope that she could be with him, that she would say yes.
“Are you going to leave me again?” she asked.
“Never.” he breathed, he could barely breath.
“Because I know you, Horatio. I know you to the core, you can’t be ‘domestic’ or settle in like another guy. You came, but you never stay.”
He tried to swallow down his tears. “I’m so sorry, but that’s in the past, I need you now. I really need you. I can’t… even function without you.”
She turned her body and walked toward him. “Do you promise me?”
He opened his arms and smiled, “I promise.”
She hugged him tight. “I’m tired.” she claimed.
“Bed time, I’m not a pervert, but I’m going to put you to bed like a great future husband I am, if that’s okay with you.” he asked while walking her toward her room.
“I’ll be outside” he added.
She smiled to his chest and walked to her room without his help. “See you tomorrow.” she said.
“See you tomorrow.” he answered back.
The next morning she woke up, the scar was gone and he, too, was gone. It was as if neither the scar nor him was there. It felt more real than any dreams or reality she had ever been to, so she didn’t have the slightiest idea in her head that he was only in her dream.
Thursday, December 23, 2010 Comments Off
After they finished their fighting, they broke apart and went to the opposite ways, she looked at one of the men that walked pass her. “Cold night, eh?” he said to her.
She nodded back at him and said, “Yeah, forgot to wear socks, apparently.”
The guy seemed to be interested with her, so he stopped and walked to her. “What were you thinking? It’s a cold town. Here, have my scarf.”
He untied his scarf and put his scarf to her neck. She felt somehow embarrassed but loved at the same time. “Thanks.” she smiled at him gratefully.
“You’re not from here, are you?” he asked. He was closer than earlier so now she could smell his breath and his body, she also noted that he was around her age. He smelled like warm tea in the afternoon with a hint of cream shave, but his breath smelled like beer.
She gave him her smile, that sadness masked with happiness smile. “Yes, I came from… another world.”
He laughed. He had a nice laugh. “Really, now? What kind of world?”
“Not this, I can tell you.”
When she was looking at her boots and she couldn’t see him, he gave her his smile, his smile was different than hers, his smile of knowing. He bit his lower lip and forced another smile.
“Have you eat dinner?” he asked.
As a car passed, she looked up, the headlights lighted up her face and she smiled. “No, I haven’t. I was on my way to a diner.”
“Tell you what, I’m starving after the whole tiring fight, let’s eat. I’ll buy you dinner in fancy restaurant, if… you want to tell me about this other world.” he said while opened his hand waiting for her to take his.
She blushed. “My dad says never trust a stranger… but you don’t feel like a stranger.”
He swallowed hard. “That’s because I’m going to buy you a dinner.”
She smiled happily and took his hand, she slipped her hand to his as if it was the most natural thing in the whole world and they both fit. She noticed his watch and smiled to herself.
"Look, we have matching watch." she claimed.
He turned his head and looked at his wrist. "Wow... that's... weird. Are you stalking me or something?"
"No!" she exclaimed and smiled, he returned her smile and they both continued to walk.
As they walked together, she noticed something warm and liquid coming from his hand. She breathed sharply and pulled her hand.
His whole body became numb instantly. “What?”
He watched her as she went through her things, she was looking for her first aid kit that she always bought in her bag. It took so many minutes to find her first aid kit and when she did, she pulled it out.
“What are you doing?” he asked when she dragged him to the stacks of snow.
“Put your hand above the snow and roll up your sleeve.” she ordered.
He did what she asked him and then she cleaned his wound then she put a bandage above it. She smiled at his now bandaged wound and then she smiled at him. “Why did you even get into a fight? You seem like a nice guy.”
“If I tell you you won’t believe it.” he said while pulling down his sleeve and took her hand.
“Try me, I have big imagination.”
The bright blue beanie that she was wearing was falling so he pulled the beanie and pushed it so it covered her face. “You got something on your face.” he said.
She laughed and pulled the beanie back to its place. “Don’t be meanie to my beanie.”
“Now that’s…” he pursed his lips. “That’s too corny, even for you.”
She smiled coyly. “Yeah… so, are we going to eat? I’m starving.”
He turned his head and stared at her brown eyes. “I’m Xavier, nice to meet you, Starving.”
She shook her head, “No, my name is Reginé.”
“Well, then, Reginé, how about a nice dinner?” he asked, his blue eyes were glittering under the moonlight.
She smiled. “Sounds nice.”
Wednesday, December 22, 2010 Comments Off
He took the last sip of his coffee and then he left the café after he paid the bill. He opened the wooden front door and took a breath of a warm Saturday afternoon. The sun was still up, bright and shiny, it was one of those days that made you want to go out and had a nice walk with your loved ones-- because of the nice sight and comfortable weather, he decided to walk and put on some music. He smirked at his decision, his blue eyes were glowing because of his smile, it was more alive than usual, there he was walking. He hated walking, he used to hate walking, he would thought, it was easier to drive, but she hated people who drive, she tolerated people who drive because they have long journeys to go through, but she despised people who drive because of the comfort of their own safety. She would rather took public transportations and because of her reasons, he stopped driving and took public transportations instead.
All of the bad things within him, he noted, had been transformed into good ones because of her. Great even. She changed him, no, no, she made him better, she didn’t change him, she didn’t make him something that he didn’t, she made him something greater than he used to. She improved him. She made him a better man. She made him like that only with her occasional pouts, her laughs, her warm hugs--even in the coldest winter--, her ideas, her brilliant words, her comforts and… her being her mostly. He didn’t want to sound like a weird guy, because he knew he wasn’t, but he knew that he cannot live, he cannot even breath, without her. It was like, he laughed at himself because of the thought, she was the reason he live. He needed him more than he knew.
He stopped at the front of her 4-storey loft. He looked at the building, up and down, up and down, as if he was judging it. It was the usual broken-white old vintage looking building, you need to take the stairs instead of an elevator, it was the usual city building apartment, but there… oh there… lived a girl that held the world in the palm of her hand. He needed to see her right then, that moment, he missed her so much, it had been two days straight without any contact at all, he needed to be with her and her smiles, her comforting smiles.
The steps he took were the big ones, they showed how much he missed her and how much he wanted to be with her. He sighed and took a long breath when he reached in front of her place. 3C. He smiled gleefully, but after that he noticed something, the door was slightly open. She’d never did that, opened the door carelessly, she always closed the door, whether she was inside or outside she always closed the door. There were male voice and a soft female voice inside. He quickly opened the door and saw two strangers in her place--or apparently what used to be her place.
Those two strangers looked at him in a weird way. It was sort the combination of “Who the fuck are you?” and “What a weirdo.”, because of that look they gave him, he backed away and took a mental image of her place.
He was disappointed. He was definitely disappointed. She was gone and he didn’t know where she went, or why, or when, or even… how. He went numb instantly. The way he walked to his apartment could be more considered as a walking zombie instead of a normal person. There was no life within him, he felt like he couldn’t function at all, the only thing that kept him going was only a mere hope that when he went home he could find all of the answers and that she wasn’t missing after all.
Nothing going through his mind, only occasional thinking on which path he should take, left turns and right turns. It wasn’t bearable, without the thinking. He walked lifelessly to his apartment on the 7th floor, he didn’t even notice when someone accidentally bumped him. As slid the key to the door to his apartment, he felt nausea all of the sudden, he felt sick all over his body and he wanted nothing more than to sleep the day off or if he could, sleep his life off.
Tuesday, December 21, 2010 Comments Off
Friday, December 17, 2010 Comments Off
I'm stuck. x x
Tuesday, December 14, 2010 Comments Off
Your Existing Situation
Feeling stressed out due to her current situation and the demands which are placed on her. Working to release herself from all things that hold her back or tie her down.
Your Stress Sources
"is being overworked and her flexibility and hard work are being taken advantage of while trying to deal with problems. Sticks to her goals, but feels intense pressure to succeed. Since the situation is uncooperative and untrustworthy, she would like to walk away from it altogether."
Your Restrained Characteristics
Giving more than she is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels she is being forced into compromising and even her close relationships leave her feeling emotional distant.
Is bothered when her needs and desires are misunderstood and she feels there is no one to turn to or rely on. her self-centered attitude can cause her to be easily offended.
Is satisfied and finds contentment through sexual activity.
Current events leave her feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.
Your Desired Objective
"Feels stressed due to her current situation or relationships, and needs to make changes. Looking for a solution that will increase her chances of fulfilling her current hopes and dreams."
Your Actual Problem
"Feeling tension and stress brought on by situations which are out of her control, leaves her feeling helpless, anxious, and in adequate. In order to build her self-esteem back up, she looks to others for recognition, respect, and encouragement. This can be a problem since she tends to blame others for her shortcomings. Searching for solutions that are geared toward her needs and self-consciousness."
Your Actual Problem #2
"Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. she feels misunderstood, used, and anxious. she strives to search for new relationships or environment, in the hope they may offer her happiness and peace of mind."
Saturday, December 11, 2010 Comments Off
Wednesday, December 8, 2010 Comments Off
[jessica anne ]
Tuesday, December 7, 2010 Comments Off
but as usual, nothing can come out. everything's hidden. it's like one of those days again. I'm running out of words. I hate this. there's so much that I want to tell, so much, but not even a single tiniest of word could come out of my mouth. they are all hiding now, in my head. I don't know why they are hiding. but they are. they shouldn't. they are supposed to be brave and come out and fight the fears.
my head shouldn't follow my heart. because my heart is coward. coward. and currently my body acts based on my heart, what my heart prefers to do in these times.
so off to bed, xx.
before I forget; can someone please buy me this?
Sunday, November 21, 2010 Comments Off
I realized last night, that this thing had happened to me before. or actually this thing is still happening with me, that it didn't leave, only remain hidden in the dark after all this time, waiting to be remembered again. thats why I felt it overwhelmingly familiar. or maybe it was on a pause and something triggered it to come back, something pressed "Play" button. that something was a circumstance that occurred 6 months ago. it took me six months to get my arse back on track. but I'm still damaged.
Friday, November 19, 2010 Comments Off
I tried to overcome mine, but all I get is only more and more sadness.
"Ignorance is a bliss"
This implies to some things, but not the answers for my unanswerable questions, I need those answers. But I'm afraid if the answer is simply a maddening, simple nonetheless, 'no'.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®
Wednesday, November 17, 2010 Comments Off
this song takes me back to that night. all I can remember now is dark.
cold. cold. cold.
and the sound of plane that took you away.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010 Comments Off
I need someone to tell me that I'm okay.
I need someone who could assure me that I'm okay, that I'm alright that I'm a tough bitch.
but I can't find that someone.
because I know, deep inside,
that I'm not.
that everyone is not okay.
made this on top of a scrap of bill.
Powered by Telkomsel BlackBerry®
Saturday, November 13, 2010 Comments Off
but as I grow, I'm tired of seeing my Mum's things and people say I'm not quite like my Mum, because she's all glamorous and fashionable, while I try to keep it simple. people wonder why, it is because I'm tired seeing my Mum's all glamorous and all, I tried to be different, to be simple but chic, less attribute but people know that I wear something unusual. because, I think, your personality define who you are and define your thoughts and your moods, and because I'm less colorful and less fantastic than my Mum, I tend to wear simpler clothes, much simple than my Mum. she could go all like accessories and stuff and with make up and still manage to look high class and at the same time classic, while I chose to wear something in the opposite of my Mum.
fashion had been a part of me and always will be, eventhough I'm more of a person who enjoy fashion rather than learn them, let alone memorize all of them. fashion is one of my escapism from reality. life's a bit sucks without fashion or art or music or books. I always find myself mix-matching clothes in the middle of important classes, making clothes in scraps of used papers. I even want to start my own brand and everything, and my own boutique, with sections for girls with different types of bodies, because we all can't have a nice body, now can we?
I like to blog walking to people's fashion blogs and found the things that they wear are all interesting and nice, as I journey through the links that they gave in their blogs, I become more aware that they all usually wear their own local brands and I become very envy and jealous at them, especially those who live in Sweden because I think Sweden got the most talented designers & labels & brands. but as I surf into Indonesian fashion bloggers, I become more aware that Indonesia got talented designers, too.
the only difference between Indonesian people and others is that other countries' people are proud to wear their own local brand, and this is what I think Indonesian people are lack of.
most of Indonesian people are followers rather than trendsetters, they all like to wear the same brands with their friends and the brands that currently become "it brands" like Forever 21 when it first opened its branch in here. I feel very sad about this, very sad for the fact that we are all nothing but a bunch of followers and/or copycats and also only small circle of people that aren't follower/copycats and they have their own signature styles. people in Indonesia haven't aware that there are great local brands, too, and we don't always have to buy other countries products. we have great labels here, too, maybe not everyone ever heard of them, but if you want to find it, we have.
I know that maybe not all of the brands here in Indonesia can match what you want, what people demand, but at least we all have something that we can be proud of and we don't always have to buy other countries' things to be fashionable, let alone be famous. people don't always define how much money you spend on one purse as your popularity contests. I am not saying that I don't buy things from other countries, I still do, but its not always and its must be things that I can't find here in Indonesia. you don't have to be a patriot to love Indonesia, you don't have to attend ceremony everyday to show off your nationalism. love your countries by wearing your own local brands is what I called nationalism.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010 Comments Off
earlier today my dear friend asked me if seeing my loved one, or perhaps the person that I really adore, could really change my mood or my day. I answered, no. they affect me, but only for feelings, they don't encourage me to study harder or work harder or do anything with more effort, they don't. they just lift up my mood. that's it. I don't really think relationships for me really affect the way I do things in my life. but I know one thing that does. those bloody coincidences. I mean... those coincidences only worsen my day. its not even the usual things anymore. help.
- 2NE1's It Hurts MV
- Vogue Korea: Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick
- Coco Sumner's Bohemian Love
- hot tea.
- long sleep after long day
- cutting shirts.
Sunday, October 31, 2010 Comments Off
Friday, October 22, 2010 Comments Off
- epic jackets with scribbled of words on the backside. like random words or madness psychedelic art.
- maxi dress or skirt, preferably in tan or tribal or stripes or just patterns.
- plain bleached jeans jacket.
- anything in warm autumn colour.
- leather bag. in any colour, except neon ones.
- tribal things, especially dreamcatcher.
- men in those tiny v-necks but not low necks one with leather jackets and/or plaid button-downs. him. him. him. him.
- men in boots.
- men that are smartly good looking and good-lookingly smart.
- 2NE1. listen to them. mind blown. they're no typical Korean only-can-bulimic-and-only-can-makeup-no-skillz
- Park Bom of 2NE1, she's so my role model.
- Sweden, but this is forever love.
- Mumford & Sons' Little Lion Man and White Blank Page.
- Julie Delpy's An Ocean Apart
- Aimee Mann's One
- Weekday products, especially: this, this, this, this and this
- THIS GUY. THIS GUY. he's so much better with his hair shaved. please look at the photo caption of the second photo. minta dibawa pulang tau gak pas dia di Banda Aceh. oke fine.
Sunday, October 17, 2010 Comments Off
WTF MAN???? U SAID THAT U KNEW WHERE SHE WAS! BUT U ONLY GIMME THAT PIECE OF SHIT STORY? WHAT THE FUCK MAN?
Sorry mate, I didn't mean to do that you left when I barely started.
Really? like there's good side of that fucking story? Story of her leaving me?
Hey, chill. I know where she is, I know where she went. What I told you was only the part when she was leaving.
CHILL? YOU TOLD ME TO FUCKING CHILL WHEN THE GIRL THAT I BLOODY FUCKING LOVE ISN'T HERE? FUCK YOU MAN.
DO YOU THINK THAT YOU'RE THE ONLY ONE THATS SAD WHEN SHE LEFT? HUH? WE ALL MISS HER YOU FUCKING INCONSIDERATE MAN. FUCK YOU MAN! WE ALL MISS HER NOW YOU WANT TO KNOW WHERE SHE IS OR NOT?
Sorry man its just that the girl that I fucking love to death isn't here, she's missing, she's not around, she's not here. I need her man I need her.
Cut off the attitude man I know you're sad that doesn't mean you can just say fuck off to your friends and treat them like shit, she moved two towns from here called "Vageu City" ever heard about it? Its some secluded city and the people there are high as shit, know what I mean?
Heard about it, what do you mean by high as shit?
People there are just insane you know they high all the time, but they don't do drugs they're like hippies man. Insane
I'm gonna find her
Now hold on, don't you ever think I'm gonna let you to that insane place without backups you need me man, you need your friends you need to be invited to go to that place
The fuck did she do to get invited here? Shit I'm gonna find her, tomorrow I'm gonna be at the cafe and you guys should be there at 9 or I'm gonna go there on my own
She didn't do nothing, her cousin own that whole fucking town, she just went there easily as I went to a club. When you go there, its like you go into a fucking different country, hell a fucking different life, like you got high and went to some wonderland for high people with guns, thats why you need to be invited, look I know a guy that can let us in, but first got to have guns first and learn how to use it, its not some fun town we are going
My uncle's can get us guns and how to use it, how many?
Whole fucking brotherhood Maan
Sure they in?
Uhhuh, we are your brothers we got your back
Saturday, October 16, 2010 Comments Off
Friday, October 15, 2010 Comments Off
"D'you remember where you last seen her?"
"Yeah." I nodded. "It was on the corner of Lucid Street when she said goodbye to me, it was the last time I saw her. She was wearing her usual floor-length skirt, looking gypsy as always. That was... the last time."
He nodded gracefully. "Well, there's somethin' I gotta tell you. She... left."
I felt as if a shocking lightning strike through my very soul. The girl that I love, she left. I swallowed hard. "How? When? Why?"
"Why, I don't know, but when, it was four a.m. yesterday. I di'n't notice it first but she looked like she wasn't very happy the night before, I figured that there was problem with you, yeah? Cause I barely see you both together anymore, so I di'n't bother to ask, cuz, I mean... she got problems with you, not me, we are best mates, but I ain't gonna mess with your shit. I heard some noise and I was half-sleepin' and I saw her standing in front of the door an' ready to open them, but I di'n't say anything, cuz, I thought she was just trippin' or somethin', not sayin' she is, but I thought she was daydreamin' an' all that shit. But thing is, she looked like she was in deep shit and ready to leave, so I was like 'Okay, fine, she's gonna leave.', but then I saw vaguely that she kissed me goodbye on my forehead an' the rest of the tenants in the loft, I saw this cuz there was huge party goin' on in our basement an' to get out of our loft you should go through the basement an' we were asleep, well, they were, I was half-asleep. As she opened the door, I saw she was smiling and then she left."
I didn't know how to react the information. How to digest them. The girl that I love, that I want to marry, the girl that I saw as my bride, that I just introduced to my parents, that I promised the world for her, left. She left. Left. Left me. Why.
"Why didn't you stop her?" I asked.
He lit up a cigarette and started to smoke. "Everythin' went too fast, man. I can barely recall what she said about you when she kissed me."
I wanted to punch him right then and there. He was my best mate, but I couldn't believe that the last person she kissed goodbye was him, not me. The guy that would give everything in his world just to be with her, why not me. "What did she say?" I managed to ask.
"I forgot mate, but there was your name an' 'sorry' an'... shit forgot. Wait a minute, wait a minute, I think I remember, but don't kill me for sayin' this, yeah?"
I nodded. "Go on."
"She said, 'Tell Armaan I'm sorry for leaving in a hurry, I just can't take it anymore... bla bla bla... I'm moving on. It's not us, it's not me, it's not you, but all those things that keep happening to me always haunting me wherever I go, so I need to leave, cause I can't take it anymore.' or somethin' like that. She di'n't say where she wanted to go, only left."
I punched the table, left my money and went back home, leaving Abdul's mouth hanging open.
Thursday, October 14, 2010 Comments Off
- Adeline Rapon
- Andrea Joseph's Sketchblog
- Armedi Harahap
- Dini Mardhiyani
- Don Kenn Gallery
- Dylan Forsberg
- Eleny Marsha
- Fatale Femmes
- Fiya Muiz
- Gisa Alvira Putri
- Hafizh Haidar
- Junte Yunne
- Lintang Tunjung Manik
- Maharani Karlina CH
- Mayang Athira Degesniari
- Nadia Wicaksono
- Pramesti Istiandari
- Rie Ristie Tartini
- Wolves and Bucks
- ► 2016 (28)
- ► 2015 (37)
- ► 2014 (40)
- ► 2013 (33)
- ► 2012 (68)
- ► 2011 (61)
- ▼ December (11)
- ► November (8)
- ► October (10)
- ► 2009 (111)