Archive for September 2011


Monday, September 26, 2011 Comments Off

No wonder you needed the hug. No wonder you always give me hugs every time we meet. No wonder.
You want to break it all down, don't you? You want to tell us everything, every single thing. I wonder if you come to me because you know I've been holding up those pain to like you, because you know I'm strong enough, like you.

You are too tough for your own good, you know?

Some said your soul is hollow, that your soul ache. I understand, trust me I do. Maybe my heart does not ache as much as yours, but I know how it feels like. How your heart aches for something that you want but you can't have. How your heart throbs when come in contact with sadness and grief. A sour feeling.

I know it aches. I know for the past ten years you've been yearning for love. I know you've been wanting to share that nothingness to someone. I know you want to hold on tight to someone who is brave enough and strong enough to bear all of those darkness.

You had been consumed by the darkness. You are the darkness now...

You are empty. Hollow. There is nothing inside you. What you are outside is a shell of something that was once inside. All of the overbearing pain consumed your soul slowly. Each time you got mentally hurt, pieces of your soul got taken away as you try to bear the pain. I know you tried to fight the darkness, I know you tried your best, but I know your best wasn't good enough, so the darkness won. The darkness took away your soul.

But thank God the remembrance of your soul is still there. The remembrance of something that once was is still there. The shell is as nice as you, or perhaps the you that I once knew when I was little. After all, the shell is a part of you. But I know... there is nothing inside that shell.

I know even if you finally release all of those pain to someone, someone who is strong enough, the person you once were is still not there. I really hope you can ease those pain away by telling it to me, some of them, reasons why the darkness love you so much, reasons why the light refused to help you. Just so you know, I understand. Whatever it is, I understand. I understand why you choose to close yourself up, instead of barring yourself to anyone, it's because you thought that nobody would understand, isn't it? It's also because you think no one would care, right? And it's because you think it's easier that way, isn't it? But I understand, I care and I know it's not easy.

You turned to false Gods, you still do. You worship them because you think they can take the hollowness away, but can't you see it's only a temporary solution? Can't you see that your false Gods only gave you more pain and sadness? Can't you see that your false Gods are actually demons?

If only I was old enough. If only I was of your age. If only we were close enough. If only I was tough enough. But I wasn't tough enough back then. I was just like you, only younger and less consumed by the darkness. We mirror each other, but I have solider ground while your ground was quicksand, swallowing you, instead of a solid ground. The help you are getting isn't from the people who want to pull you out, instead of the one who is slowly pushing you in, dragging you deeper to the land beneath.  It isn't a rope you are seeing, but it's a stair to down below.

I want to pull you out, but I'm afraid you're too far away to hear me and you are too stubborn to let go. All I can do is only pray you don't go deeper. I know there is someone out there that can pull you out, that can bring you back to stand above the ground. I believe one day you will find that person. If you find that person, hold on tight. Don't let the person go. Because that person is the one who is strong enough to break all of the walls of the shell, that person is lively enough to fill those spaces with their own happiness, that person is kind enough to pull you to the ground. Embrace that person.

But until that person comes, please hold on strong and remember: you are still living and breathing right now because are the only person in this world that is strong enough to bear all of those pain.

Aku Juga

Thursday, September 22, 2011 Comments Off

"Aku ingin cinta yang mencintaiku apa adanya, aku ingin cinta yang mencintaiku dan aku pun mencintai dia, aku ingin cinta yang sejak detik pertama tahu bahwa akulah senyum pertama yang akan ia lihat setiap pagi. Aku ingin cinta yang merasa bahwa aku adalah dia, dia adalah aku. Aku ingin cinta yang membuatku merasa aku tak ada tanpa ada dia bersamaku. Aku ingin cinta yang membawa pergi semua keraguanku, ketakutanku. Aku ingin cinta yang menghapus kesepian ini dan akhirnya mengajariku senyum paling bahagia yang akan kuberikan untuknya setiap hari. Aku ingin cinta yang membuatku terus bersinar." -- I Ordered My Wife From The Universe

Aren't We All?

Sunday, September 18, 2011 Comments Off

Why do I feel so lonely?

The Hardest Of Hearts

Monday, September 12, 2011 Comments Off

"If you ever tell a girl that she's lovely, beautiful, or pretty, she'll remember it for five minutes, but if you ever ever tell a girl that she's ugly, she'll remember it for the rest of her life and hold on to that statement."

How to tell if a girl is troubled? Look at her in the eyes, don't say anything and her walls would eventually fall and give you the truth about everything she is currently hiding, but if the walls wouldn't break down and she looked away, tell her you love her, will always be there for her and mean every words you just said. Tell her that, despite everything she's going through right now, you will always be there for her and care about her. Tell her to hold on strong. Tell her that her smile, her genuine smile, is one of the most beautiful things in the world. Tell her that she is one of the most beautiful women in the whole world. Tell her that, even though you don't know what she's going through right now, you will always support her, no matter how many mistakes she had made, no matter how many wrong choices she had chose, you will always support her. Tell her that she is one of the greatest people you've met. Tell her that, perhaps not to you but to someone, she means the world. Maybe she won't hear you, maybe she would deny everything, but convince her, convince her that she's worth it, that someone cares about her, that you care about her.

Tell her those things or you'll lose her, perhaps you won't see it, perhaps you feel like she's fine, like she's not troubled, but beyond her veils, her innocent-looking smiles, her laughs, her action, she hides everything, her pain, her vain, her sadness and most of all, that throbbing aching feeling on her chest. She could slip away from you, she could easily walk away from people's life. One day she's there and the next she's gone. Assure her that she belongs there, that everything she needs is right there and that she should stay there. Convince her. Make her stay there. Smile at her. Make her feel that she is worth it. Appreciate her.

Even though in the end you don't know what her problem is, but at least someone appreciates her, at least she's not alone. Maybe it's not her idea of happiness, but at least she feels content and she is convinced that someone thinks she is pretty, that at least there's one person appreciates of her being.

I write this to everyone. Don't let someone slips away. Hold them. Appreciate them. Their troubles don't worth of the pills they are taking. Their problems don't worth the skin they are cutting. They worth more. They worth more because they are the ones who are strong enough to bear the aching numbness in their chest. They deserve to live.

To all the people who lost their loved ones because of the mind troubles, to all the people who are currently bearing the craziness, hold on strong. I am one of them. My head is also killing me and I also feel like I'm a worthless piece of shit. Trust me, I know how it feels like. So please, before they make a jump, especially a literal one, tell them. Convince them. Assure them. Appreciate them. Because there's nothing hurt you in the head more than feeling like you are all alone.
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