Archive for May 2014

Drabble Series: Smartphone

Monday, May 19, 2014 Comments Off

Maybe you weren't quite listening to what was going on around you.
Maybe you weren't quite staring at what was there the whole time.

But I was.

It was blatantly obvious, for sure. The looks and the smiles. The giggles and the cuddles. The calming caresses and the fist bumps. The silent exchanges and the hugs.

For an inanimate object, I could point out how much you two click with each other.

I thought you weren’t into him.

But when I noticed you were crying when he moved away,
I knew right then.

You loved him with all your heart.

Zsa zsa zsu

Thursday, May 15, 2014 Comments Off

It is alarmingly impressive of me to be able to find someone of my age attractive and impossibly handsome. For twenty years, I have always been attracted to older men with life experience or foreigners that have exciting stories to tell. For certain, there have been notable exceptions, but these special cases never last long or the person that I am after usually flies off somewhere to provide a better living for himself. These attractions I held towards those who are impossible to reach are often became a part of my life similar to how a commuter sees passerby—another organic being with their own stories and insecurities that would soon become strangers.

It changed overnight; it only took an impulsive decision of my part and a bizarre cosmic coincidence.

I saw him looking. It was not the same like he was noticing me, but I was. Noticing him, that is. It was impossible not to. To this day I can never understand my attraction to bearded men, usually it was towards older men or older foreign actors with biceps as big as my thighs, but that night my eyes were reserved to this guy. Sure, there were plenty of other men who appeared decidedly alluring with their wide arms and warm smiles—even though they all acted the same when they were trashed—yet, again, I kept my gaze on him.

It is not hard to describe this guy. Beard, short hair, wide chest, smelled exclusive, and exuded confidence that came along with power and dominance. Encased with black long shirt and washed-out jeans, he looked powerful and charismatic. The instant our eyes met, zsa zsa zsu washed over me like a smell of botanical garden in the summer. And as I strolled that garden, I couldn't help but feel relieved for being right there. Engulfed with the overpowering feeling of zsa zsa zsu and that exact moment.

Do not get me wrong, I did not act anything to quench the thirst of my running in the garden of zsa zsa zsu. I had never been drunk enough to do such thing, to drunkenly and publicly reach out for a total stranger. But for some reason, he did. He was tipsy, but I had no alcohol running in my veins to give me that extra little push. My sober friend actually almost pushed me to do something with him since he was practically sitting next to me, while keeping his stretched arms towards me. Even then the pull was strong. I almost gave in, but he gave up and asked his friend to accompany him to the toilet. I had to restrain myself or I would only be a foggy remembrance of something he would soon forget as soon as his head hit the pillow. Another event, another girl. Another event, another drunken stupor. Another event, another night to forget.

The next night, a friend of mine sent me a picture of him. Another friend recognised who he was—small world, no need to remind me—so she told me bits and pieces about him. I smiled at her, he was attractive. But that was it. A stranger for the night. A stranger to fall to for just one night. A stranger to kiss away the cold midnight air. A stranger to have small private moments with.

But, I have to admit, he had opened up my eyes.

Thank you for giving me zsa zsa zsu.


Sunday, May 11, 2014 Comments Off

"We are all addicted to our own conveniences"

My conveniences lie in the form of my loyal friends, the best beings I've ever came across. They have seen me through everything and yet they stayed. They have been with me through the worst possible circumstances and yet they supported me. It is quite astonishing how one can feel so at ease with another person. How I can philosophically, metaphorically, and literally walk around naked amongst these people and they would not bat an eye. Their best virtues are their honesty and their helpful hands.

It is true, I have yet to feel the warm caress of a lover and their loving gaze towards my own, perhaps I won't even have the chance to feel it. But there is this particular self-assurance that I fundamentally feel when I am around them. Not completely invincible, but truthfully and exquisitely optimistic. It feels like I can overcome everything with them down to its tiny little details, no matter what kind of crisis I face. With them, I do not have anything to hide--I have this openness that I do not share with just anybody and it does not cause by any alcohol in my physical being. No liquid courage, nothing that could invoke any truth besides my own consent to actually reveal them. Everything is out in the open, from my opinions to my sadness. Nothing hinders me.

They do not always relay to me verbally on how much they care for me and how much they love me. However, they do thoughtful things that would make me feel special. "Have you eaten yet?" "Take care, it's raining. Did you bring your umbrella?" "Watch your steps, it's slippery." "It's getting colder, do you want to order some hot tea?" "Do you need me to drive?" "Here, let me help you with that."

All I want to say right now is how I am grateful for the Universe and its thoughtful idea to introduce them to me at the right time.

"You'll learn a lot from the right person"
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