Archive for September 2012

Thank You, Fate.

Friday, September 28, 2012 Comments Off

I guess you can never forget your first love. Your genuine and honest-to-goodness love. The first person that you spent your night thinking about, the first person that made you cry and laugh at the same time, the first person that will never be replaced by any other person that succeeded him-- if that is even possible. This person can be a fictional character, someone from your bedtime story, an unsung hero you found when you were walking down the street with your grandparents because this person bought food for some homeless guy, a hollywood actor/actress, a deceased painter or even someone who baked that delicious homemade pie apple that you loved so much. They are the kind of people that you want to be and you want to be with.
And it is insane how small gestures could really burst your heart because of uncontainable happiness and joy.
And it is ridiculous how you could feel something so deep for someone that was a stranger to you. And idealized idolized beautified person that you thought they were humbly yours. For an insane moment, you thought they were. You thought they were this godlike creatures coming from the galaxy far from Milky Way.
But when you got to know them even more, they were just these humans who were conveniently there at the precise time and at the precise moment. They were these normal everyday people who you didn't know before-- before they entered your life and made a twist.

For me, even though it is absurd, but my first love would always be Chris Eccleston. I recognize myself as a fan. A fan that flew thousands of miles from her own land to seek some refugee from an unknown land for her. And she did. She found refugee amongst the daily life of the locals. And to top it all off, she met her Prince-- even though she knew that the said prince will never belong to her and will always live in the land of far far away. She did not mind. She will never mind. At least she saw her first love. She will never forget that fact; the fact is that she finally met the person that if you asked her six months ago, she would say that she would never meet him in this lifetime, or any, ever. But, as it turned out, fate was generous enough to get her a chance of meeting the person that she had always idolized, a person that she thought she would never meet.


And for this, thank you fate for bringing that chance.
And please head, stop missing him. You don't even know him.

Picture by my beautiful Russian friend, Sonya Ermolina

Six Weeks

Sunday, September 23, 2012 Comments Off

I've accepted myself. Flaws and all.
Six weeks taught me that.
Six weeks helped me to accept myself and everything that had happened to me.
Six weeks made me understand that I was enough.
I am enough.
And this whole void in my heart fiasco is not real, I came to understand that,
I created the void and I chose to indulge that void by mourning, crying and blaming everything.
And as it turned out, nothing is wrong
everything feels right
and
I love myself.
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