Archive for November 2010

Damaged Goods

Sunday, November 21, 2010 Comments Off

I feel better now. much better. there's still a hole in the middle of my chest, but its smaller now, it doesn't hurt as much as it used to, and it doesn't bother me as much as it used to either, although the throbbing madness and the unrelated coincidences would never stop. its gone, permanently, but not really. certain things, certain moments, like a good old sad song or a sentence, also scents, could trigger it to come back, but those things don't have big power like it used to have. I won't deny that this can't be completely be gone. this thing.
I realized last night, that this thing had happened to me before. or actually this thing is still happening with me, that it didn't leave, only remain hidden in the dark after all this time, waiting to be remembered again. thats why I felt it overwhelmingly familiar. or maybe it was on a pause and something triggered it to come back, something pressed "Play" button. that something was a circumstance that occurred 6 months ago. it took me six months to get my arse back on track. but I'm still damaged.

As Far As The Eye Can See

Friday, November 19, 2010 Comments Off

"You must overcome your fear"
I tried to overcome mine, but all I get is only more and more sadness.

"Ignorance is a bliss"
This implies to some things, but not the answers for my unanswerable questions, I need those answers. But I'm afraid if the answer is simply a maddening, simple nonetheless, 'no'.
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Fool's Gold

Wednesday, November 17, 2010 Comments Off


The Middle East -- Fool's Gold

this song feels like that moment. right when the night took you away from me in the middle of long road. as the plane fly away into the midst of cold air and dark shadow of the earth. as you left me alone in the airport. as you left me alone with nothing accompany me but the white light.
this song takes me back to that night. all I can remember now is dark.
dark
dark
dark dark
dark.
cold. cold. cold.
white light.
and the sound of plane that took you away.

"R U OK?"

Tuesday, November 16, 2010 Comments Off

I need someone to tell me that it is okay. that it is fine.
I need someone to tell me that I'm okay.
I need someone who could assure me that I'm okay, that I'm alright that I'm a tough bitch.
but I can't find that someone.
because I know, deep inside,
that I'm not.
that everyone is not okay.


made this on top of a scrap of bill.

Testing

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Sending thoughts with e-mails does it work? X
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/Where your heart is\

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my dream room. this room is irl. I mean, someone own this room: Vanillascented.





very clean, simple, white, something that won't bore you out.
all from Vanilla Scented.

Fashion x Nationalism

Saturday, November 13, 2010 Comments Off

I love fashion. do you know that? I love things that fashion defined, whether it is a statement or just pure personality that they spoke in the absence of words, only vision. we interpret them only by seeing them virtually in front of our eyes, whether its good or bad, or whether it looks perfect or just entirely wrong, or whether it looks very revealing or the contrary, is normally defined by the person who sees them even if the person who wears the attributes doesn't really give a shit about what other people think. I grow with people that loves fashion, I don't care if they put it all wrong, but they all love fashion, they don't go for only casual clothes everyday, they always wear different, especially my Mum. she loves fashion, thats why she opened a boutique.
but as I grow, I'm tired of seeing my Mum's things and people say I'm not quite like my Mum, because she's all glamorous and fashionable, while I try to keep it simple. people wonder why, it is because I'm tired seeing my Mum's all glamorous and all, I tried to be different, to be simple but chic, less attribute but people know that I wear something unusual. because, I think, your personality define who you are and define your thoughts and your moods, and because I'm less colorful and less fantastic than my Mum, I tend to wear simpler clothes, much simple than my Mum. she could go all like accessories and stuff and with make up and still manage to look high class and at the same time classic, while I chose to wear something in the opposite of my Mum.
fashion had been a part of me and always will be, eventhough I'm more of a person who enjoy fashion rather than learn them, let alone memorize all of them. fashion is one of my escapism from reality. life's a bit sucks without fashion or art or music or books. I always find myself mix-matching clothes in the middle of important classes, making clothes in scraps of used papers. I even want to start my own brand and everything, and my own boutique, with sections for girls with different types of bodies, because we all can't have a nice body, now can we?


I like to blog walking to people's fashion blogs and found the things that they wear are all interesting and nice, as I journey through the links that they gave in their blogs, I become more aware that they all usually wear their own local brands and I become very envy and jealous at them, especially those who live in Sweden because I think Sweden got the most talented designers & labels & brands. but as I surf into Indonesian fashion bloggers, I become more aware that Indonesia got talented designers, too.
the only difference between Indonesian people and others is that other countries' people are proud to wear their own local brand, and this is what I think Indonesian people are lack of.
most of Indonesian people are followers rather than trendsetters, they all like to wear the same brands with their friends and the brands that currently become "it brands" like Forever 21 when it first opened its branch in here. I feel very sad about this, very sad for the fact that we are all nothing but a bunch of followers and/or copycats and also only small circle of people that aren't follower/copycats and they have their own signature styles. people in Indonesia haven't aware that there are great local brands, too, and we don't always have to buy other countries products. we have great labels here, too, maybe not everyone ever heard of them, but if you want to find it, we have.
I know that maybe not all of the brands here in Indonesia can match what you want, what people demand, but at least we all have something that we can be proud of and we don't always have to buy other countries' things to be fashionable, let alone be famous. people don't always define how much money you spend on one purse as your popularity contests. I am not saying that I don't buy things from other countries, I still do, but its not always and its must be things that I can't find here in Indonesia. you don't have to be a patriot to love Indonesia, you don't have to attend ceremony everyday to show off your nationalism. love your countries by wearing your own local brands is what I called nationalism.

[voila store]

Hugging Myself

Wednesday, November 3, 2010 Comments Off


earlier today my dear friend asked me if seeing my loved one, or perhaps the person that I really adore, could really change my mood or my day. I answered, no. they affect me, but only for feelings, they don't encourage me to study harder or work harder or do anything with more effort, they don't. they just lift up my mood. that's it. I don't really think relationships for me really affect the way I do things in my life. but I know one thing that does. those bloody coincidences. I mean... those coincidences only worsen my day. its not even the usual things anymore. help.

current love:
  1. 2NE1's It Hurts MV
  2. Vogue Korea: Andy Warhol and Edie Sedgwick
  3. Coco Sumner's Bohemian Love
  4. hot tea.
  5. long sleep after long day
  6. cutting shirts.
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