Sadness

sadness for me is like old friends. you know... those friends that always bother you when you are busy doing something, but you don't want it to go away, you just let them sit there, annoy you. they affect your ways of thinking, they affect what you do, they affect everything, by just sitting there and staring at you. it doesn't take long until their thoughts get into your head and those thoughts become yours too. you try your best to not make them taking control your whole life completely, so you wear masks, listen to some make-you-numb songs, watch crappy movies with bad script, eat, eat, eat and eat, and cry your heart out. seeing the scenery, they left. but only for a while. because they will come back and find you, even though you're hiding in the farthest part of the forest and the deepest part of the ocean, they will come and find you. because they know you to the core, they know you. very well. too well. and they will get inside your head again, and again, and again.

sometimes you think that not feeling is the best feeling. because when you don't feel anything, when you're numb, your life get a whole lot better, or so you think. by being numb, you can continue to do your work, to set your mind on everything else, everything that not related to feelings. things are better that way, when your feelings don't affect any of your decisions, so you think logically. but it only lasts for awhile, until the sadness comes out from the dark and lure you in again... for the feeling that make you wish that you can't feel anything at all. sadness know how easy they can get into your head, just wait for the right moment and the right timing when they slip into your memories and messing up your minds. scenes, music, photos even small little unrelated things can trigger it, can make its way back to you. so sometimes, I wish... I could feel nothing but numb.

[symooh]