XXIII/XXX. Thousand

Now I understand why you want to destroy yourself, why the majority of your time is spent to abuse yourself mentally and physically. I think I can understand why now. The alluring life of the dark false God tempts you more than the dull reality. Thousands of billions of seconds you spent to kill the dark thoughts in your head by turning yourself to the false God, yet, I know deep down you understand that the false God does not really help you with your problems. Your kind of life does not beguile me, but sometimes I wish I spend my thousands of billions of second turning to your false God, instead of leading this lackluster reality where I feel like my world conspires against me. I don't know if I prefer to regret life or not; then even if I do choose your kind of life, will I love your kind of life or mine?