Longing

My heart still needs its companion. Though it is now almost complete, it cannot be denied that this metaphysical thing is in need of something that could ease its life. Almost nineteen years of its existence, it had gone through alive, through all the bruises, cuts and spontaneous free fall. And all those years, it ash needs a similar piece like its own that could soothe all of the evidence of the inconsolable past. Every now and then, it throbs, like signaling me of how lonely it is. And, every now and then, it reminds me of its homemade void. A void that needs to be filled with the companionship of others. A void that cannot be filled alone, for it is built upon loneliness and seasonal heartaches.

Heart is a funny thing. It does not exist physically, but it often cause physical hurt that could suffocate your chest and it will yell, "I need to be loved". It still carries on living alone, sometimes it meets other lonely hearts and tries to relieve each other, even only with small talks and laughters. But they all know that they cannot fill each others void. They all need other hearts that are complete, or at least have void in different places.

My heart often cries. Alone. In the dark. When everyone else is sleeping or watching movies with their loved ones, it cries alone. While listening to some music that makes it feel like it belongs elsewhere, somewhere before or after this period of time. It soars. It roars. It cries. Alone. Its need for companionship never fails to make itself cry. How sometimes it just wish it could end it all. Juvenile, I know, but you cannot be juvenile when you have been doing this for the past years. It had it rougher and tougher than others had, but the others are blind to that fact, thinking that it has always been so happy, that it never went to hell and back.

It often laughs on the absurdity of its mind. How it is possible to fall in love with something that is not even there. Or for the fact that it longs for something in the past. For something that it doesn't really know or doesn't really happen. A home that is not physically real. It only knows one thing: longing.

The one thing that is even more sad, is that the fact that it never feels like it deserves companionship from the others that it attracts to.