Keep Me From Sadness

you don't know what its like
for all your hopes to rise
to see them fall again
with the setting sun
Te Vaka - Tamahana




you know what I really hate the most? unanswerable questions. the second is goodbye, as you all may have guessed, and the third is none other than letting go. actually, the order isn't necessary. those are the three things that I hate the most, I despise at the times and I avoid it every time, if I could escape something, those three would be on my list. especially the unanswerable questions, or maybe questions that couldn't be answered by logic. but truth to be told, logic isn't necessary, at least I have the answer, at least they don't leave me hanging on. at least they don't just blurted out to me with no explanation whatsoever.
while goodbye... goodbyes are promises from the cowards. coward people who couldn't face the fact that they had reached the end of something. people that don't have the guts to stand up straight and get a bloody move on. I may be weak, I may be sad all the times, but I'm no coward, I prefer "See you later" than "Goodbye"s. because I fear that goodbye always attach to "loneliness" and someone that left. because goodbye always end something good, or something that used to be good. and also because in my experiences and from what I have learnt before, goodbyes only mean sad ending. quite an irony really, because goodbye never ends good. goodbyes only leaving you hanging on with false hopes of another hello.
letting go is never easy. especially the ones you couldn't live without and the ones that took from you abruptly, like a hug with someone and then that person pulled out from you when you were just starting to feel the other's warmth and affection, or maybe like someone suddenly ripped off your sweater in the middle of winter and you go insane because you thought you couldn't live without it, but you survived eventually, by gathering bits of your sweater that shattered all over the places. people have those sometimes and I wish I don't have one of those, but how could I not when I.

I've talked to my best ever friend about: the person that left, lypophrenia, and this... hole in my heart that I don't know what could fill them, hole that I thought it never existed before, hole that got buried, hole that temporarily forgotten. she told me to ask my mother about this. but I'm afraid that my parents would answer that I only say nonsense things

[doubletake media]

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