Birthday.

I turned sixteen yesterday. it wasn't really that amazing or such. and I didn't feel anything change in my life and I didn't feel older or wiser either. I spent it with my "family" MESIS. they were all so lovely, they said "happy birthday"s and such. El sang me a birthday song, her voice is so beautiful, despite her voice wasn't at the best time.

I cried about things that aren't important yesterday. although it was my birthday, there's no "privilege" for being the birthday girl. I didn't feel so special yesterday. it was only another birthday. another day, even. I got older, not so special. no special anything. only another day. so I cried until I fell asleep. when I woke up, I cried again.

the reason why I spent it with MESIS yesterday, so that I feel less alone, like I was last year. last year I felt so sick and alone. and cold. I caught common cold, too. not only that, nobody remembered my birthday. nobody gives a shit. I was a bit more happy than last year though, on the early day of my birthday, at midnight, and at dawn. there were funny moments and obviously completely crazy moments, too. I cried when I got home, not in front of MESIS and not because of MESIS.

I'm so tired of all the things that happened to me lately. all the crying. all the betrayal. fake hopes. low grades. gifts with benefits. its just that. I'm sick of all those things. when will those things stop haunt me and stop making me feel like a girl with mental problem. just stop, please?

loveless lately. need mood booster. going to upload photos tomorrow. courtesy of Wardha Syakhroza. oh if the photo above is yours, please tell me :) thanks!