Don't.

Don't ask me to stay.

Make me. Tell me reasons. Point out things that are good for me if I choose to stay instead. Convince me. Bleed for me. Find me ways to accept the idea of holding on to this place. Call me everyday just to make sure that I am still in here. Confront me about the idea of leaving is actually not good. Push my limits. Negotiate with me. Go on a war with me. Force me to remember the best things about being in here.

Just don't ask me to stay without knowing the reasons. Don't tell me that leaving here would not have a good outcome for me. Don't tell me to enjoy this place without showing me what to enjoy. Don't call me only when you need me. Don't argue with me when you just want to win. Don't force me to stay. Because I would never stay.

It is deep-rooted within me that I have to find and define my home. I have to go and grow. For I have never felt anything but hatred and sadness in here. Hatred of self for being not enough for the impossibly insane standards that people have in here, and hatred for others who are much better and who resent me. Happiness marks certain occasions, but never becomes something that come along routinely like sadness, grief, emptiness and groundless void in my heart. I swallow what they usually called 'bitter pills' everyday, but for me it doesn't taste bitter -- instead, it tastes like something that is overly soured, pungent at first and then it left this aftertaste that I often can't bear so I puke it out in the form of listening to noisy songs. Sometimes I feel like someone punch me on my chest, the other times I feel like someone took away some of my breaths, and the rest of the time I feel like there is this disorderedness that hovers inside me.

So please, just let me leave.