While I do not fully understand the actions which those fellow youngsters do by justifying said actions using the current popular term 'yolo', but I do understand the sentiments. I understand the need for living in the now--the present--as opposed to longing for the repetition of the past in the future or hoping that the future would hold for a better improvement of the current story we all living (or indeed, for some, surviving). I understand why some of the thoughtful ones want to do it--the ones that do not fall into the categories of the typical nonsense 'young, wild and free', the ones that actually want to make the best of everything that they have right now. And of course, I support that wholeheartedly.

I support the notion that everyone and everything has a limited time--no matter how powerful they are, how wealthy, how wealthy, how sane or even insane they are, they have limited time. Especially humans, since, as the years progress, the closest things that we have to anti-aging product are those that our parents (and grandparents) use daily. So, indeed, as human, we need to sometimes let it go.

It? Yes, it being the demons and their playgrounds inside our ever-turning head or even the demons that lie in the anxieties and nervousness that we have about the future or about each other. However, no matter how easy I've written it down, I have the hardest time of letting go/dwelling with/ignoring those devils inside my head; but of course, they are coincidentally called devils inside our heads because we actually cause them to exist in this world, they are the creation of our brains. Well, at least, I do--my head does.

People who actually know me, the very same people that I've been calling/texting/IMing when I have problems or teeny thoughts, know that I constantly have a war inside my head. A war, not between good or evil mind you, with myself that exclusively and continuously as both opponents. It is understandably random, yet, it often causes me anxieties or even panic attacks. It is painful for me if someone left me alone with my own thoughts because the devils had made home there; those devils and demons that are not even invited or welcomed there. However, lately I have noticed that they are triggered by anxieties (which cause even more anxieties) or even something poignant that affect me so deeply inside out, but also, they trigger those anxieties. I can't honestly and brutally say nothing more than the truth behind the famous "circle of the devil", since it keeps on influencing one another.

I no longer have any idea how to react. These songs that used to support me and blocking both inner and outer voices out can not cure me anymore. I don't know where to lean on, or at least where to just hide safely, cocooned gently and lie carefully.

This is why I choose to have a getaway vacation. Just for ten days. To a place that is seemingly eerily constantly called as paradise in the middle of this sick jungle. So, aloha.