t r u s t

this is a topic I've been wanting to write about in this blog since quite a while, and because a person who would like to remain anonymous thinks that I have a trust issue, also because I watched So I Married An Axe Murderer earlier today, so I conclude today would be the day I finally write about  t r u s t.

personally, I think trust means when you believe in someone (or, in some cases, something) entirely. purely. a basic form of belief. something or someone that you could depend on solely with your mind, heart and soul. firm reliance on a subject that would lead you to another form that logic could reject. trust is something that you gain from someone and offer to someone, it cannot be bargained. trust is something primal and instinctive.

maybe it's because I was raised differently and I encountered twist of events that made me this way, I don't trust people easily or rather, I have levels of trust that I give away to people. for example, I trust my biology teacher to teach me about digestive system, but I don't trust him to teach me German; I trust my driver to drive me to places but I don't trust him to teach me how to create an element like Tony Stark; I trust my parents and my brother basically on everything; I trust a taxi driver to drive me around in Jakarta, but I don't trust him to drive a plane and move me to Sweden. those are basic, simple and logical. trust is basic, simple and logical. something that's right in your head, based on reality and you believe in the reality they presented to you, is another form of trust.

unknowingly, everyday we give our trust to people around us. we give them away to shop assistants, to seller, to random people in the street, to our maids, to our driver, to newscaster, to reporters, to journalists, to chefs, to cleaning ladies, to the police, to the law and even to the government. we give the parts of us everyday without realizing our act of trust to those people. those parts are the primal, basic, instinctive part that have always been there since the first human ever walk on Earth. trust is something that we are not supposed to give away easily except to God. something that you should hold on to.

"trust is like a mirror, once it's broken you can never look at it the same way again."

I don't know if you call this trust issue but I can't seem to really, entirely, with my heart, 100% trust anyone yet. I have not yet found a person that I could count on completely, that I could rely on wholly. I know someday I will, someday I will find that person that I will trust. because for all I know, people that I used to trust ended up using me or making me regret for giving them my trust. it's like when I started to trust them, they show me why I shouldn't. so can you say it's entirely my fault for having this trust issue? can you say my problem with trusting people come from me, not the one that made me like that? the one that misused my trust?

trust is a simple, base, primal, instinctive, individual action. sometimes misleading, often misused. hard to gain easy to lose. but I'm not saying I don't trust anyone, I'm just saying... I've been hurt a lot times in the past and it is hard to believe in someone's words. after all, from what I've learned for the past 17 years of my life, I found out that being wrong has a plus side, it gives you that feeling of knowing the right one, that things people do are mostly lead to readable path that I've been before.

[missmoss]