Run Away, She Did.
I once knew a girl who was very sad and grumpy all the time. she never truly smiled, only occasional grin here and there, but never actually smiled. she liked to hurt people with her words and her actions. she often got into a fight with people, not only with girls of her age but also boys and sometimes teachers. nobody wanted to be friends with her. she could only sat on the bench alone with her lunch, looked like she was angry. over the time, she reinvented herself and became approachable and nice-looking, she treated people really well and looked like she was smiling all the time. but do you know what? the girl with the biggest smile holds the biggest pain and everyone who doesn't dare to ask her what's wrong are the person that will be lost forever.
I don't think everything is her fault, not most of them anyway. who knew that she became that way because of her life that she did not dare to tell anyone to? that she hided pain behind all of those angry outer feature? that she did not want anyone to knew that she was broken? that she was just trying to survive?
people say being physically abused hurt you the most, well guess what? being mentally abused hurts you too. hurts you even more than physical abuse. being mentally abused leave scar on your mind that could be triggered one day eventhough you think that you had buried them. the brain is something that we don't understand and very complicated, and we don't know if our actions will have any influence to it. we don't know if things that people do to us will be stored in our brain in which section, maybe some sad stories will be assigned to the deepest part of our minds so that when one day if something triggered those sad things to be unlocked, our real selves will be shown to the world. who knows?
that was what happened to her. she locked all of her emotions into one tiny bit in herself and when something triggered it to opened, she would be on rage and be her own self. she's been putting up walls and masks all of these times, looked like she was okay and such but the truth was, she wasn't. she was not okay she was not smiling. it was only an act of survival that she learnt by herself from time to time. people asked her why she didn't open up to people easily, she would only laugh and jumped into another conversation. the reason why she didn't open up to people easily was because that she never thought that anyone would be worthy. she tried and tried to opened up herself to people around her, but do you know what they did to her? they didn't want to hear those things, they were busy with things that weren't as much important. those things that they did hurt her more than things that those girls and boys did when she was little. when she needed a shoulder to lean on, she had none. well, maybe she didn't need a shoulder to lean on, she need someone to lean with. someone that she could share with. someone with a mind like hers. she found one. the one that said that they are a perfect match. but do you know what that person did? that person betrayed her, lied to her and left her. all alone. that was the reason why she refused to talk about herself to anyone. the reason why she didn't talk deeply with anyone.
people thought that they knew here and loved her. but nobody really knew here, nobody except one that is. another person, she thought. another person that she thought she could share with but then gone. people that she cared about had the tendency to be so far away, out of reach, left her alone or all of those three. she tried to connect with people emotionally but she couldn't fully connect with anyone. many people tried to bond with her, but they were too late and she couldn't help it if she couldn't connect with them. and with that, she tried to run away.
and run away she did. she had suffered enough.