Saturday, December 28, 2013 Comments Off

Finding sanctuary amidst chaos is my definition of being in a relationship. The sanctuary that looks, feels, tastes the way it portrays from the outside point of view. Sanctuary as it is. Sanctuary that does not expect you to act like a messiah or a servant. Sanctuary that bends and fluctuates the way the chaos demands it to. Sanctuary that gives you proper housing and feeds you nourishing food.

Some cases (for the importance of their reputations and those that they associate with, I will not give out their name or other detail features about their cases) of relationship that I know tend to make one partner as the dominating actor, while the other as someone that could serve them with everything and anything that they currently please to have. It's hard to find other type; the type of relationships where they could just kiss and hug each other at random moments, say "I love you" when the other makes such good meals, wear sweatpants and oversize sweaters in front of each other, or even buy same the detergent so that they could smell like each other. It's hard to find functioning relationships which regard the people that create it as equals and humans without the expectations of having startlingly good-looking prince with nice abs that is multi-linguist as your partner or having exceptionally humble princess that can eat nice desserts without having to change her clothing size from zero to something shockingly bigger.

Being with someone without the awkwardness, during both sober and drunk states, is hard. Finding words that could mend the inconvenient silent is hard. Finding someone that you can get comfortable with is hard. It's easier to find people who only need the simplicity of one night stands. It's easier to find people who only need relationships just because they want to have one; not because they crave the connection that could have with another people. It's easier to find people who only want to have connections that are based on their sexual/physical preferences. It's
easier to find people who only want simple relationship where they use each other because they both probably don't have the time, place, money or affection to make it otherwise.

I want to feel full connection with someone. Not just because they want to "try" to get me, not just because they want to "taste" me, not just because they find me appealing, not just because they find me adequate for their taste, not just because I substitute someone else's spot in their life; but because I can pour myself (soul, thoughts, cravings, tastes, dislikes, fears, phobias and ideals) to someone without having them to spit me out like I am tasteless expired food. And vice versa.

I want to wake up knowing that I am fighting alongside with someone. That I battle this world's chaotic insanity with my fellow comrade who may or may not know more about the fields than I do (preferably more).

It's easier to write words, like this, about things that I want or I need. But it's harder to find the person that could match up all the expectations.

So please, come home soon. So I could get to know you again, listening to your fears and hysterias, talk about our future that is creeping up on us; and we can build sanctuary together.

What's this?

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