Colder Than Your Winter

"It's autumn, it makes people depressed."

But it's winter now and Moscow is having a blast because of the "totally warm, I promise you" -5 degree Celsius weather. And how do you feel? Does the winter time reminds you of how the sun used to feel like when it caresses your skin in a womanly, lovingly, soft touches? Does it remind you that everything has it highs and lows, even human nature? Does the droning of the snows bless you with hope that it too shall melt away one day? Does daylight savings remind you of your heart being clenched so painfully in order for you to remember that it's a long day ahead? Does barely-warm food that you cook late at night smell like the ones we ate years ago? Is there any girl that smells like me?

Was that gesture, that particular gesture that indicates no sense of belonging, suppose to cut all of our ties? The tightly knitted bond we've managed to create throughout the years? Was there anything more than that, love? Is there any reason why you would not just go to the front of your computer and write me something small but soulfully warm? Are you giving this bond up for something that you don't have in the past, in order for you to have something big in your present, wherever you are? Are you staying away from this bond, cutting it down with a sharp knife that you called "an act of returning personal belongings to its respective owners"? Will you continue to do this until the memories of us--laughing at something and getting scared of what we've been watching--blur away and spin out of proportion, turning into ashes and fading away into something that you only remember distantly? Will you greet me, if we ended up in a same town and time after all these years, when you bump into me in a packed tube with me listening to my iPod (as always) and you playing games on your phone (as always)? Will you stop and stare and say "hi, I missed you, you look a lot different" or will you just move away, since you feel like you no longer know me and I am just another soul-carrying vessel that you once shared your thoughts, laughters, breaths, food, and spaces? Will you remember me more than the knit cardigan-wearing girl with her headphones on? Somehow, I doubt you would.

And to end this exhaustingly long post,

to quote my friend's brother,

"If I love you enough to let you go, will you love me enough to come back"