Quid Pro Quo

"Universal exchange of personal pains and joys."

The lyrics hit me hard. I have forgotten this song, as I have with other trivial things that I noticed and felt from the same exact year when I discovered it. All of the sudden I was taken to this place where I was sitting in my car when it was raining, listening to this song for the first time and thinking, 'how poetic it must be to have someone to share all of your feelings to.'

There is this part inside me that thinks about how much people don't actually get what I am feeling. And how often they ignore my need for being selfish, because frankly I have been the gatekeeper of their secrets and their thoughts, while none has been able to do the same for me.

As a human being, there are days when I feel like shit and all I want to do is just talk to people about it or make them do what I want to do. You know, being selfish. Often times I have found myself doing things for other people. I have done things for them sincerely. But I have never go the chance to do things the way I want them to be carried out.

I've listened, God knows how much I've listened, but people do not actually want to be in my shoes for me.

And I believe in the term of quid pro quo.

And at the same time I know that they would not be as accepting as I have been to them if I rage at everything or if I am being selfish and do things in my way. I know they would scold me or brand me as a bitch for being selfish, from time to time.

All I ask is for people to understand that, at times, I don't need to do anything their way.