Surface Area

They say it's important to have a relationship with yourself.

I've been in an on-off relationship with myself for the past couple of years. It took me a precious journey to the land of heavy rain and the equally heavy accent, numerous conversations with a certain Russian man (that will turn 24 this February, happy birthday bro) and other significant human beings that I met there (thank you for the long walks and talks, theatre watching, people "stalking"; parts of my heart shall always be yours), strangers that convinced me that I was enough (and especially this security for a sport museum that said someday men would worship the very ground that I walk upon), and my beautiful beautiful roommates (holler to Switzerland, Russia and Japan).

It took quite a lot.

But I cherish myself even more. Especially for the part that I could withstand the thought of being physically alone (taking trips with tubes, eating and reading at small cafes, walking to some halal shops, talking with strangers about Haruki Murakami, exchanging ideas about Islam with fellow muslim from Africa, finding self in a debate with a shop owner about the best actor who played The Doctor and it's Chris Eccleston sir I insist and it's not because I love him in general but oh wait it is, and spending a day alone in a packed mall looking for the best leather jacket for myself). And it is the best relationship I've had.

And I am not saying this because I worship myself. But, because I've found out that I could love myself this much. And all of my past problems I got with myself (I was going to put my insecurities in this bracket, but right now I cannot even think if there was anything wrong with me in the past) was gone; my mind got purged by the heavy rain. I love myself even more. I enjoy myself. I am happy with myself.

For that exact reasons, I want to travel the world by myself because I know I won't be a bore to myself. Because I know that I can get lost with myself, without no one who speaks my native language, but live happily with it. And I've done that. And I was happy. It is important, isn't it? To stay sane when you cannot count anyone but yourself. And I did that, I could do that again.

I have to do that again.

(Side note: in the spirit and honour of wearing your scent, I would like to get a tattoo myself. The calculated surface of the Earth: 510,072,000 km2 on my wrist, so that I won't forget, no matter how big my problems are, the big world is there for me to explore and get lost in)