Remorse

The glowing radiance of her eyes were gradually thinning and fading away like stars finally rested themselves into an endless continuity of supernova. They were brighter at first, but then degrading away, until you forget how her eyes looked like before. Was it trepidation? Was it tiredness? Or was it something in a whole another level entirely, something, perhaps in some extent and lack of better word, like loneliness? Whatever it was, people could not see the golden twinkle underneath her pair of hazel eyes. Once, she took you away by pulling you into her intense depth of her mind through her eyes, but now, all you could see was only pitch black of void. Nothing was there anymore.

People sometime wondered, was the girl lying when she said she was happy lately? What caused her to be like this? Was her problem that big, making her incapable of being cheerful anymore? And most importantly, most frequently asked by the mindless society, had she always been this way, but maybe people never noticed her, they mistook her gentle everyday self as being happy and without trouble, while in fact, it was all a well drawn façade in front of her face?

Of course, every time they asked, she always answered with a two-finger salute and an ambiguous smile that could be categorized as lipstick-drawn-lips upon your face.

How could someone, with all of her times assuring people that they were, contrary to their beliefs, better people than they thought they were, think that they were nothing? How could someone with so many things to offer, believed that she was nothing but a piece of broken shell filled with emptiness? Was reality so hard that she could not cope with it?

Was all of her feelings gone? Replaced by unshaped vacuum? What struck her so bad? What kind of things that could replace everything? To fill genuine emotion on her eyes, to see them alive again, like they were once (or at least look like what they pretended to look)? To finally see her smiling with her eyes, without any remorse, guilt, trepidation, loneliness, tiredness, emptiness and most of all profound sadness. A lost cause, they said, but worth to try. What kind of thing that can produce such a basic, yet beautiful, feeling? Was love enough?

But who would love her? Who would care about her except herself? Who could build such esteem? Could someone bring her back or make her see that reality is not only filled with sadness?

We all know how hard it is to get back, when you are so lost in yourself and you have noone to hold on to.