"Sounds like you need a hug"

I've decided that I'm going to leave Indonesia in less than a month. I'll be away from here for approximately two months, the first six weeks I will spend my days with strangers in a country where I've never been to in my whole life, talk in my second language and improve my skills on the said language. When I was arranging all of the things I needed that enabled me to go there, I pondered a simple question: will I survive?

I understand that, even though I did not really have a great childhood, nor a good one to be remembered of, but I was brought up in a wealthy-enough environment, where I could at least brought a case full of every possible art supply that people could think of (even though at that time I never really needed them all because I often drew with colored pencils, but to come and think about it, if I had those now, I'll be happier than a rich kid with iPad, iPhone and the newest MacBook Pro). And then, when I get there, I'm going to manage everything on my own, sure I've been living almost alone for the past eight months, but I was in a familiar environment where everybody was there for me. It is not as if I am scared of the prospect of living alone in the middle of a strange country, but the idea of being completely alone (with the exceptions of three friends who are currently living in the same country and each of them lives in different cities and none of them live in the city where I'm going to live) is just too overwhelming. Admittedly, I always thought that nobody had ever been there for me, now however, I must admit that, even though nobody has ever continuously been there for me, there are people who continuously filled my days with their time, filling the gaps with their bits, sharing their irreversible precious time with me. I guess, in a way, all of those self-destructing thoughts came from my own head. And I am grateful that I came across a revelation, I want to thank everyone, the ones who left and the ones who stayed, you taught me what kind of companions you are; especially for those who left or the ones I could not reconnect with, maybe my time in your life is done and so is your time in my life, we may not be the greatest friends anymore, but I am grateful for your time in my life, thank you for being there for me however short that may be, thank you.

This led me to realize something even more. I read an article from Thought Catalog called Traveling Alone, at first I read it because I thought it would show me an experience by someone, instead, it was a beautifully written article about why we should not travel alone. I do not know if it is the writer's implicit intention or it is my way of decipher things, but from what I've gathered, this article showed us about our journey throughout our lives. When we were born, just like the lonely traveler in the article, we were alone, we came in with our own luggages, our own personalities and future burdens and accomplishments caused by those personalities, and then everyone there helped us, they may not always be there, but they helped, like the immigration officer with round stomach and thick mustache and the janitor that gave back your fallen handkerchief. They all taught us how to survive, some lived just like the janitors, in the background but always been there, and some lived like those rich business men who kept talking on their expensive-looking phones, stood out and wore the best of clothes. We were all very busy waiting for our flights, waiting to discover ourselves, waiting for the journey that could define us, some take it to Paris to see the wonders, some take it to Italy to learn how to cook by heart, some travel to exotic places to see what most never seen before and some, like me, are just trying to figure out what kind of journey they want. I could conclude that, I could not wait for my journey.