Membela, Mebelai, Membelakangi
Our love can be defined in three stages.
Membela
/mem·be·la/ v: melepaskan dari bahaya; menolong
It all started with onigiri.
A simple choice for breakfast during morning rush hour. As it turns out we both prefers convenience over taste. We both had our own reasons to get ourselves up from the bed in the morning and it was not the thought of filling our belly with lukewarm onigiri. But breakfast was important, or else I'd a grumpy gremlin and you'd be filling yourself up with sweets and snacks before the clock even struck ten in the morning.
There we were lining up for lukewarm onigiri. You were happened to be queueing right behind me. In your hands were two balls of onigiri. I couldn't truly see what the filling was, but on my hand was salmon with furikake. We were moving up the queue line, both anxious to get the purchasing process done already because we were both hungry and needed to arrive at the office soon. But before I could place my onigiri to the cashier, someone else skipped the line with a basket full of assorted onigiri.
"What the hell, man? The lady was here first. Get back in line." I heard your outcry before I could even glare at the culprit.
I think that was the first time I could truly say I fell in love with a stranger at first sight. You were so kind. No one has ever defended me that way. I thanked you profusely.
We exchanged numbers to share our stories about rude shoppers and favourite onigiri joints and Thai tea stalls and other knickknacks.
Membelai
/mem·be·lai/ v mengusap-usap disertai kata-kata manis dan sebagainya untuk membujuk
I was mad. At you. At the sun. At everything.
Of course it was during the hottest day of the year that you tried to be funny by bringing me banana boat instead of ice cream sundae. You tried to appease me by feeding me the already melting swirl of chocolate chip-macadamia nut-matcha ice cream.
You smiled with your eyes crinkling and said, "Our first fight, baby."
I glared at you while squinting my eyes. I grumbled, "You're on thin ice, mister."
You chuckled. It was nice hearing your grumbly voice chuckling, even when it was on my expense. With your hands sticky from the melted ice cream, you stroked my hair gently. Then your hand made its way to my cheek pinching it lightly and finally rested on the nape of my neck. The feel of your slightly calloused much larger hand on my neck was divine, especially since those pillowy digits started to lightly massaged it.
"Sorry, sweetheart, I'll get you your sundae. Be right back, my love." and with that you stood up and headed over to the ice cream stall.
"You owe me a neck massage." I half-shouted with a huge smile. You didn't say anything but you threw your head back with laughter.
Much later on, you confessed that there wasn't anything that you won't give me. You'd give me the world, the stars, the universe, the atoms themselves if you had to. You promised yourself to be gentle to me because you knew the world were never kind, let alone gentle. There wasn't anything in this life that he wouldn't gift me with.
There wasn't anything in this life that I wanted more than you.
Membelakangi
/mem·be·la·kangi/ v 1 mengarahkan belakang (punggung) kepada
The sun was starting to set when it happened.
Our children sandwiched me. I couldn't think. I couldn't function.
How should I react to this betrayal? You promised me lifetime full of laughter, sunshine, acres of greeneries, onigiri mornings and jasmine tea evenings, borrowed sweaters, muddy bootprints on our porch, homemade earl grey chocolate pudding, and endless servings of sundaes.
Where could I get them from now? What should I do with these wringing hands longing to lock themselves on your soft wavy hair? Who should I run to when there are good news to be shared and sad news to be devastated together with? Whose name should I shout whenever I become exasperated? Where do I go when the longing for you is too big for heaven and hell and earth and all of the atoms that you have promised to give me?
There was nothing I could do but turn my back from where you will forever live.
All I could do was just pray that heaven would take care of you and my heart in the gentlest, kindest, nicest way—in all the same ways that you've graced upon me.