Obsessively Dissected

Chuck Palahniuk is right about what he wrote in his book Diary. We have no scar to show for happiness.

Indeed, it feels quite difficult for me to describe how my romantic relationship. This, in turn, makes me feel guilty. I suppose my inability to actually profess my love for my boyfriend quite feels like a tiny bit of betrayal since, I am sincerely quite sad to say, my relationship and my partner are not the best subjects to write about. 

From my perspective and experience, stable relationship and nurturing partner are not something that can be described artfully and poetically. Instead, being in a stimulating relationship with someone mature are the grounds for self-growth via self-reflection. I am extremely grateful that being in this state leaves no room for doubt or questions about any particulars of our relationship—or even him as my partner. Whereas, contrastingly in my previous encounters with romantic potentials, I could only wonder and ask without the other party responding or even remotely care about my emotional state.

Therefor, there is nothing that needs to be obsessively dissected. There is no minuscule gesture or words that needs to be constantly interpreted in a biased, personal manner. I no longer have to be afraid of unintentionally making the wrong move since I know that, unlike the previous potentials, my boyfriend has a logical part that would understand, and eventually forgive, my humane mishaps. There are no days where I have to wonder which intense highs or severe lows that this person will deliberately put me through because we trust each other enough to know that we do not need unnecessary burden on our plate. And of course, I do not have to be insecure about the durability of my relationship.

Although, again I suppose, not every couple can reach this point of steadiness and maturity in their relationship. Unfortunately, not everyone is as lucky as me and him. But, isn't that the beauty of life? You would not know how anyone can evoke any feeling from you if you don't give them a chance?

So, I guess, this is my way of saying sorry for not tending on this blog properly for the past year. Obviously, life got in the way. And the not-so-obviously is the fact that happiness and constant steadiness are not something that's easy to write about or even talk about without having to sound bragging. Don't get me wrong, I will always write as it is my first love and something inherent in me, but I would like to apologise in advance if, and when, I rarely make any post.

Lastly, I would like to express my most sincere gratitude for this blog for containing my unhinged writings since I was in high school and my sweet loyal readers for reading my spewed nonsense while still declaring me as somewhat fit in the society. Thank you for indulging my crazy all these years, but your job is no longer expected. I have Djungelskog now.