The Single Gal Mindset
As a human being that has already spent a quarter of her life living in this planet, I am not particularly experienced in handling romance and everything else that it entails. It is such a complex thing that I never believed I could get myself entangled in, though it is one that I have always hoped so. Yet, I never thought I would get to experience it this soon while simultaneously being this late.
There are many variables that I did not take into account when I decided that I want to be in a relationship with my significant other. I suppose my biggest issue comes from my dodgy perception of myself. My skewed insight on my own ego, determination, foolishness, sanity, and helpfulness often becomes the basic reason for me and my significant other to argue. More often than not, I would dwell on my own mishaps and mistakes rather than amending them, or at the very least making peace with them. From this experience, I learned that selfishness is a character trait that I subconsciously learned from interacting with the maternal figures of my life. This character trait most of the time becomes one of the reasons as to why I bicker with my significant other. My selfishness and his ego would be the main contenders.
However, after a lengthy discussion with one of my dearest friends, I came into another conclusion. Perhaps, it is not my selfishness that colour every decision I have made for the relationship. Rather it is my single girl mindset that has been the biggest contribution in making various relationship-related decisions. My single girl mindset, as my friend and I have dubbed it, focuses more on self-preservation. It is something that has been instilled inside me, for more than two decades of my life, that I have to be able to survive on my own. For around 24 years, there was no other person whose opinions, inputs, feelings, or existence that I had to take into account. In fact, I only had to receive any given feedbacks or impacts to myself, not having to consider other people.
Obviously, it all changed when I met my man, though not so much on the way I make decision, but on how many people would receive the immediate impact of those decisions. My single girl mindset makes it kind of difficult when it comes to discussing the practical sides of our relationship. Most of the time, his ego and my mindset would only want the things that could be beneficial only to ourselves, not for each other. I don't want to lie by saying we are getting the hang of it, because sometimes being selfless in the relationship can be difficult for someone who has spent her entire adult life alone as well as for someone who has been alone and off the grid for around two years. We both know as delightful as love can be, love cannot completely be unconditional as it is portrayed in the movies—it would be naïve of us if we both still think that love is an enough reason for two people to be together.
In the end, I suppose, what matters to us most is the fact that we are trying to adapt ourselves so that we could mould ourselves better for each other. What we do for and to each other has always been in support of preserving relationship together. This is not an easy feat since we are still learning how to verbally communicate better since he practically speaks different slang and I prefer to write when conveying my feelings. Of course, despite everything that we are facing as well as our personal tribulations, we still do deeply love each other. I am still his person. He is still my person.
There are many variables that I did not take into account when I decided that I want to be in a relationship with my significant other. I suppose my biggest issue comes from my dodgy perception of myself. My skewed insight on my own ego, determination, foolishness, sanity, and helpfulness often becomes the basic reason for me and my significant other to argue. More often than not, I would dwell on my own mishaps and mistakes rather than amending them, or at the very least making peace with them. From this experience, I learned that selfishness is a character trait that I subconsciously learned from interacting with the maternal figures of my life. This character trait most of the time becomes one of the reasons as to why I bicker with my significant other. My selfishness and his ego would be the main contenders.
However, after a lengthy discussion with one of my dearest friends, I came into another conclusion. Perhaps, it is not my selfishness that colour every decision I have made for the relationship. Rather it is my single girl mindset that has been the biggest contribution in making various relationship-related decisions. My single girl mindset, as my friend and I have dubbed it, focuses more on self-preservation. It is something that has been instilled inside me, for more than two decades of my life, that I have to be able to survive on my own. For around 24 years, there was no other person whose opinions, inputs, feelings, or existence that I had to take into account. In fact, I only had to receive any given feedbacks or impacts to myself, not having to consider other people.
Obviously, it all changed when I met my man, though not so much on the way I make decision, but on how many people would receive the immediate impact of those decisions. My single girl mindset makes it kind of difficult when it comes to discussing the practical sides of our relationship. Most of the time, his ego and my mindset would only want the things that could be beneficial only to ourselves, not for each other. I don't want to lie by saying we are getting the hang of it, because sometimes being selfless in the relationship can be difficult for someone who has spent her entire adult life alone as well as for someone who has been alone and off the grid for around two years. We both know as delightful as love can be, love cannot completely be unconditional as it is portrayed in the movies—it would be naïve of us if we both still think that love is an enough reason for two people to be together.
In the end, I suppose, what matters to us most is the fact that we are trying to adapt ourselves so that we could mould ourselves better for each other. What we do for and to each other has always been in support of preserving relationship together. This is not an easy feat since we are still learning how to verbally communicate better since he practically speaks different slang and I prefer to write when conveying my feelings. Of course, despite everything that we are facing as well as our personal tribulations, we still do deeply love each other. I am still his person. He is still my person.