Self-Vulture

Friday, October 21, 2016 Comments Off

Self-vulture: picking on the scabs and destruction in you as a way to sate your hunger.

Some of the people I know can be found with this symptom, including yours truly. We keep on gnawing on the dead parts of ourselves (our past, forgotten memories, broken hearts) to just trying to survive, to move on into some state which we have convinced ourselves to be a much better circumstance than our current predicament.

I am eating my youth. Still trying to find some conviction in staying alive, apart from self-love. But is self-love always nurturing? Does it symbolize the perpetuity of self-support and self-forgiveness? Or do you call it as a token of narcissism and inflated ego? How do you survive without any conviction, without any faith (whatever it is)?

Is there any way to tell how a person should stay satisfied even if there is constant hunger plaguing their spirit and mind? Even if there is a certain kind of primal idea inside their mind telling them to find something more, to be something further. How to tell someone that you have to stave off the demand of the mind (far too riddled even for self) and the heart (far too damaged from the ache) for a state of person (or perhaps any other form thereof) to be changed according to what is considered sacred and true for the soul?

Wayward, we are, honey. Disbelieving the spoken and written principles that were spewed from the mouths of the ignorant and the not-understanding. Unable to comprehend all the supposed lessons coming from the metaphorical sticks and stones. Unwilling to let go whatever it is that has been wildly calling our veins, mesmerizing our minds, and desperately clawing on the walls of our thumping heart. Distrusting the hand-me-down happiness that they always give out to each other.

There is no way the only option for keeping on is through scavenging myself.

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