Ten Q's
This is something that I have not done in awhile. Personally, I'd love to answer questions like these, but it's not easy to find some profound questions.
- If you’d grown up in a different environment, do you think you’d have turned out the same?To be completely honest, I don't think I would. Especially if the said environment is somewhere in the Europe. My current mindset is based on the kind of environment that I grew up in; my resisting the country has started since I was young when I felt 'displaced'. My distaste for my country only started as something mild and had grown into something somewhat hostile. Even though there are some mementos that tie me down to this archipelago in southeast, I cannot say that my love for every one that has been very supportive in my life is bigger than my need to live my own life somewhere abroad. The things that make me hustle are basically to achieve a certain lifestyle that I deem appropriate for the state of my being. Therefor, if I wasn't who I am right now, I wouldn't totally be me. I would have different aspirations in life, and different state of mind. I also have an inkling feeling that I wouldn't like me, if I was a different person.
But, I think my love for watching people falling in love would stay the same, regardless the environment that I grew up in.
- Do you love easily?
I do. And I am not saying this in the term of romantic love. I love strangers. That instant second when the circumstance in this Universe makes me collide myself with an abundant of nice strangers makes me happy. Makes me love them. In the way I fall in love with small houses in the countryside Germany, with the smell of Swiss air, with a cover of an old foreign book, or with postcards. I also love the idea of being in love, it's not something I have experienced myself (and at this point in my life I don't know whether or not I want to) but I have always loved how people fall in love. It is, for me, as simple and as easy as breathing.
ThreeFour songs that you connect with right now
"Forever meant nothing when we had nothing"
"Feel you get closer now, closer than you've been"
"Even if your heart stops, I'll be there to hold you up"
"I'd rather have quality than quantity"
- When you're alone in the middle of the night and you can't quite get to sleep, what do you think about?
Life, mostly. With its infinite simplicity and contradicting complexity. The grand butterfly effect of what ifs. The unfinished. The rude awakenings. My fears. I also revisit few places in the darkest pit of my mind, not intentionally (mind you), but its familiarity always pulls me in and apart. I fantasise about things that couldn't happen. Also another thing, feeling that the world's weight is right on my shoulders. Wanting to solve world's hunger, poverty, human suffering, animal abuse, and deforestation. Basically just feeling guilty being human.
- What is love to you? What is the opposite of love?
Acceptance, encouragement, support, and trust.
A little backstory about this definition of love: it's the kind of love that I know of personally, something that I have experience throughout the entire time I am standing in this giant rock in space. Romantic love, however, is not something that I've tasted. Ergo, I can't give you the definition of romantic love for me.
I have received love in thousands of different ways, except romantic love. You can romanticise it as something sad, something to be frowned upon, or something to be pitied. But you can also be a realist, knowing that not everyone can experience romantic love. Though, I envy its staying power in few people, I understand that, mayhap, and I am saying this with conviction and without aggravation, I was not born for receiving and giving romantic love to a certain person. I am blessed with thoughtful people who love me, in their own way, that, for now, it is enough to live with it alone without romantic love.
The opposite of love would be indifference. For me, it is not hatred. When you hate someone or something, there has always been that lingering effect of caring too much that it irritate you when they do not behave similar to what you expect them. When someone is acting indifferent, it hurts more since humans are being with expectations. We expect people to respond in certain ways, either positive or negative, but it would puzzle us when they do not act. We care too much about what other people would do to us.
- Do you focus more on the past, the present, or the future?
If you were to ask me a few months before, I would have answered my past. I wanted little me to finally live a life that would make her proud of me, proud of herself, that she had overcome so many things and finally achieve something grand that she deserves. She honestly deserves the world. What made me hustle was her happiness. I fought for her.
Nowadays though, I am doing something for my future. My past would be proud of me no matter what. Even if I messed up considerably, but she would still be my number one cheerleader, since I have stayed alive for so long to receive my degree and see my favourite actor.
I want my future to be able to thank me one day, for taking and declining offers, for publishing something online, for getting off bed to be with my friends, for knowing my own priorities, and for thinking of her well-being, not just my own.
- Do you have any special or magical memories you'll always have with you?
I actually carry that ticket everyday, a personal reminder that I have actually met "the love of my life" when I was 18. Not everyone can say that.
- How would you define yourself, without saying your name or giving a physical description of yourself or your obvious personality?
An ageless, though people often deem as old, soul entraps in tens kilograms of skin, fat, bones, and blood govern by stubborn, deeply curious brain and romantic heart. Currently searching for a way of getting by in this materialistic rock in space that is travelling few hundreds thousands km per hour, while not also losing the identity that differs it from other Earthlings that are atomically and biologically the same. Yearns for something yet unintelligible for some of the minds that it has encountered in her years travelling on this dimension. Questions everything.
- Do you believe happiness can exist without sadness?
No. Life has always been a comparison, yin and yang, darkness and light, night and day. It would be impossible to know whether or not you are happy, if you have never felt sadness before. Being grateful is also another impossible thing if you do not know the contrast between them.
- What do you find most beautiful in people?
Their willingness to be an Earthling, taking part in process that does not only causes progressive change in their life, but also in life of others. Whatever form that may be.