Next Chapter: Despair.
"I never tasted love you know…"
"All of my loved ones are either gone or didn't love me back…"
"Let me rephrase that, all of my loved ones didn't love me back, so noone… ever love me."
II.
"I was born with sadness. And grief. When I was supposed to grow, I was forced to survive mentally. When I was supposed to laugh, I was dealing with how to conceal tears in public. When I was supposed to have a childhood, I was learning how to fake a smile."
III.
"People say I'm strong not to easily cry like that. But the truth is… I do cry. At night, in the dark with nothing but my music on. People say I'm strong, but I'm not… it's years of practice and it's like… riding a bicycle for some people, it's in the muscle memory. People say I'm tough, but the truth is that I only conceal things better than most of the girls of my age."
"I was supposed to have fun you know… but… I didn't. I was busy surviving from mental abuse…"
IV.
"I know you may think I'm ungrateful. I know you may think I don't consider myself as a blessed person, but it is what it is. I know I sometimes bragged about how unloved I am, it's not because I want to seek attention from all of you so that you all can tell me that you love me, which is a straightforward lie, but I do feel unloved. I feel like people are pushing me and hating my guts. I mean, how can you feel you're worthy or you're smart and have a great personality if you feel unloved by all? All I know is that people care about me, but caring for someone else doesn't mean that you love that person, it just mean that you're a nice person."
"I mean… for years and years I lived with great sorrow, so when people say that they love me, I don't believe them, because I believe that they are lying."
V.
"I'm not smart. I'm not pretty. I'm not anything. I'm like one of those unpopular girls that can only be seen in the cafeteria in Mean Girl, I'm like one of those customers in The Plaza Hotel in Home Alone… I'm noone. Noone ever appreciate me, noone ever thanked God that I existed, noone ever grateful that I was there. Nobody ever feel like I'm beautiful or great or smart or even just… nice."
"And when I was surviving, I was doing it alone. With noone by my side. When I cried, nobody comforted me, when I was doing difficult things, nobody helped me… so I learned to depend on myself, not with anyone. Because those people, who I thought could help me, didn't want to know my problems at all. So I was trained by the nature to survive alone."
VI.
"When girls of my age were trying to be famous and perfect and have boyfriends and be those girls that boys talked about, I can only be that girl in the corner of the room, that looked so happy because her friends are happy, but inside I'm falling apart. I wasn't pretty, I wasn't smart, I wasn't attractive enough… I was weird. I still am. I was weird, odd-looking, fat, and unloved and so moody. I couldn't control myself, I mad at people easily… because one of the things that kept me survived was being angry. I know it's wrong. I know it's not right to be mad… but I don't know what else to do, because I had no guidance, I had noone that could hug me in times when I couldn't handle things on my own."
VII.
"I know people must have think that I'm wrong doing this. Complaining when I should be thankful. But I'm not complaining here, I'm telling a story, about a girl who survived alone. So should I rotten and die? Oh, have I told you about a void in my heart?"